DEAR SUSAN: Your response to the woman whose boyfriend enjoys living alone (after two divorces) suggests that you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. On the one hand, you've been saying all along how singleness has increasingly become the lifestyle of preference. Yet when it comes to the boyfriend enjoying single life after two divorces, you waste no time taking him to task for that very same reason. I don't see anything in her story that might suggest he's stringing her along, but you certainly were quick to throw him under the bus. What if the situation were reversed and he was the one looking for marriage? How sympathetic would you have been then? It seems to me you were just looking for a reason to bust this guy's chops. This is yet one more example of some guy who can't do anything right in this ultra-feminized, man-hating society of ours. And your response suggests you're really not so open-minded as you like to portray yourself. I am truly disappointed. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: In politics, the word "disappointed" is an acceptable cover for red-hot fury; let's hope your disappointment runs no deeper than that, because this advice columnist does backbends to be fair and equitable to both sexes. But I do call 'em as I see 'em, and the situation that riles you deeply was — again, as I see it — not fair to the woman who sent the complaint to my inbox. Yes, I do believe that single life is the wave of the future, and time is proving that to be so. But when the real thing comes along, it's hard to justify choosing hermitude. Far be it from me to bust anyone's chops (I wish you'd clarify the expression) because he's of the male gender; I took him to task because he's missing out on a rare opportunity — and that always pinches my nerve. I'd suggest the same happy ending to a woman in a similar situation.

You, kind sir, faithful reader of "Single File," need to ask your optician for more fair and balanced lenses through which to view this world. Things are definitely settling down to a dull roar in the gavotte between men and women, and I, for one, am (somewhat) optimistic. Big shifts are coming in this age of the unthinkable. Surely, busting the chops of one man for his nesting habits isn't at the top of anyone's to-do list.

DEAR SUSAN: I had to respond to the man who said he keeps meeting average-looking women who are, to complicate matters, fat. I wonder whether he ever once thought that maybe he isn't meeting people who attract him because he's so unattractive inside. Has he ever realized that the raving beauties whom he seeks don't go for him because they find his attitude vile? Don't get me wrong; working out is fabulous, and small guts are great. But maybe (this may force this man to focus on less superficial matters for a second) the so-called average, fat women he keeps meeting are happy with who they are, 200 to 300 pounds. Maybe they are healthy enough but couldn't give a flying glazed doughnut about fitting into a size 4.

I am 5'10", 250, very curvy and incredibly proud. I have nothing against health nuts; we all need some cause. But why do so many of them run around spewing the "you gotta be beautiful or go home" spiel? Why can't they just do the "to each his own" thing? If someone isn't to your liking, just walk away and find someone else to pursue. Simple as that. If this man keeps bumping into women who don't please him visually, he needs to keep his eye trained for the thinner women. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Thin or bony, fat or chubby — society has all sorts of ways to describe the physical shapes we like or don't like. Without question, there is something to be said for the pleasing exterior — and those who pooh-pooh it aren't being honest with themselves. Face it; this is a visual world. All we can see in those first fleeting moments of meeting is the outside, the package. And though it isn't everything, it does say a lot to the discerning eye about the person inside and how he or she cares for himself or herself. It seems to me — and probably to your physician — that carrying around 250 pounds each and every day, in and out of normal activities, is a large load. It would seem that activity must be limited, and sitting down has to be a large part of your daily routine. Not only that but as you age, the pounds will get to be more and more of a burden — to say nothing about a future pregnancy. Your thinking is clear and well-articulated, but your poundage concerns me. I strongly advise a medical checkup and a long talk with your family physician. Forget this man and his shtick; do this for yourself.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].