If you've ever wondered why we don't spell "laugh" as "laff," "guide" as "gide" and "debt" as "det," you're not alone. For nearly three centuries, spelling reformers have been trying to herd these unruly rascals and other words like them back into line, so their spellings will reflect their pronunciations.

With very little success.

In 1768, for instance, Benjamin Franklin devised an alphabet that dropped six consonants and added new characters for the vowels in "hot" and "up" and the consonants in "the," "thin," "-ing" and "she." His complicated new system went early to bed and never did rise.

A bit more influential was the Connecticut lexicographer Noah Webster, who Americanized and simplified several British spellings to make them more consistent with their sounds: "honour" to "honor," "defence" to "defense" and "theatre" to "theater."

But most people blithely ignored his other changes: "groop," "tuf," "hed," "bilt," "soop," "wimmen," "fether," "tung." Similarly, in 1876, the American Philological Association plumped unsuccessfully for "liv," "tho," "thru," "gard," "giv," "hav" and "ar," though "arrrggghhh" did catch on with pirates.

Across the pond, George Bernard Shaw observed that, under the crazy rules of English, "fish" could logically be spelled "ghoti" ("gh" as in "enough," "o" as in "women" and "ti" as in nation). So he held a public contest for the design of a new alphabet. But to the resulting "Shaw Alphabet," Brits responded with an unphonetically spelled "Pshaw!"

In 1906, philanthropist Andrew Carnegie established the Simplified Spelling Board, which helped gain the adoption of "ax" over "axe," "judgment" over "judgement" and "catalog" over "catalogue." But Americans choked when the Board tried to shove "troble," "yu" and "filosofy" down their throats (though a 1970s rock group later pounced like a leopard on one Board spelling — "def").

Chicago Tribune publisher Robert McCormick was no more successful when he instructed his writers and editors to use "nite," "iland" and "frate."

It's clear that, while we like to complain about irregular spelling, we're more comfortable with the spelling demons we know than those we don't. Call it respect for tradition, fear of change or plain old stubbornness.

But, in recent years, the spelling reform movement has received a boost from a new technology: text messaging. Will the flying fingers of teenagers cawz us 2 luv nu spellings? In the end, they may give spelling reformers the last "laff."

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to [email protected] or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.