"History is little else than a picture of human crimes," wrote Voltaire. After reading these sentences from high school students' papers about early American history, you might agree.

1. "New England was rich in large trees that provided amble amounts of lumber." Perfect for a walk in the woods.

2. "John Winthrop summarizes the mission of the Puritans in an exert from his book 'A Model of Christian Charity.'" He must have put a lot of effort into writing it.

3. "The Puritans' whole view of life was based on the idea of manifest pre-destiny and where they would go after death." To the West, no doubt.

4. "The Glorious Revolution was when the English thrown gave its authority to Parliament." Talk about tossing away power.

5. "Because American colonists were mainly Protestants and were not open to other religions, they could not bare to live under a Catholic state." Though some of their ministers were defrocked.

6. "A joint stock company is a company that invested in land both in the New World and England in order to make more prophets." They specialized in futures trading.

7. "Americans had developed a duel identity, half British, half American." En garde!

8. "The colonists were uphauled with these new internal and external taxes made only to benefit England." But they didn't find them uplifting.

9. "Before the Revolution even began in the colonies, there were ad hock governments." They pawned public property to finance themselves.

10. "The Battle of Saratoga raised the morals of the Americans." Well, they did show some mercy toward their British captives.

11. "Under the Articles of Confederation, there was no President to handel foreign affairs." And this led to a de-Bach-le.

12. "When John Adams took office, the French and the Americans were in the mist of an undeclared war." Well, the nature and purpose of the war were somewhat unclear.

13. "After 1808, the Democratic-Republican beliefs would brake down." And eventually come to a complete stop.

14. "The colonists created what America is today — a mixture of all sorts of cultures banned together." But if cultures are prohibited, why do we still have culture wars?

Corrections: 1. ample 2. excerpt 3. predestination 4. throne 5. bear 6. profits 7. dual 8. appalled 9. ad hoc 10. morale 11. handle 12. midst 13. break down 14. banded

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to [email protected] or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. COPYRIGHT 2025 CREATORS.COM

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