There's a demon stalking our fair nation.

George Santos?

Well, yeah, him too. But the real menace to society is the misplaced modifier. To wit: "They saw a car sitting against a tree with a lady in it." "The blaze was extinguished before any damage was done by the local fire department." "Do not sweep an area where there have been rodents with a broom." If your rodents are big enough to hold a broom, you've got a real problem!

The preceding misplaced modifiers were gleaned from newspaper articles by linguist Richard Lederer for his delightful book "Fractured English."

Wait a second! Did Lederer write the articles? Nope. I should have written, "Richard Lederer gleaned the preceding misplaced modifiers from newspaper articles." The dreaded M.M. strikes again!

A misplaced modifier is a descriptive word or phrase placed by a writer in an ambiguous position, er ... placed in an ambiguous position by a writer. They often occur when writers treat sentences like Mr. Potato Head — sticking eyeballs, noses and ears where they don't belong.

See whether you can spot the M.M.s in these sentences sent to me by readers:

"Some anglers fish for trout with worms." I hope not.

"George is a man with a three-year-old son who needs a job." Child labor?

"Like many soldiers in her company, the M-16 rifle she carried had jammed with grime and airborne sand." So her comrades were jammed with grime and sand too?

"A leading epidemiologist announced that the virus was transmissible from person to person on national television." Another reason not to watch TV.

"Sheathed in an ornate case, cheerful crowds greeted the relic with much fanfare." Must have been a big case.

"Wilson took a train to Osaka hidden inside a musical instrument case." Does the case contain the train, the city of Osaka or Wilson?

"We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00." Sounds like a great bargain!

"The Scottish brewer gives its employees an unusual perk: a week of paid time off when they adopt a dog that they can use one time." And then return the pup to the shelter?

"The stories depict a problem in this community that has been going on for 30 years." So the community is only 30 years old?

"The legislator went before his colleagues to discuss the sins he had committed with them." So Santos' colleagues were his accomplices?

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to [email protected] or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, California, 90254.

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