Dear Carrie: My mom brought us up in a home filled with love but not a lot of money. Now that I'm in my 30s and she's retired, I want to be able to help her out financially but in a way that also protects her sense of pride and independence. What do you recommend? — A Reader

Dear Reader: As I've said many times, I'm all in favor of one generation helping another. That usually is interpreted to mean parents or grandparents helping the kids. But as people are living longer and experiencing longer retirements — with the corresponding drain on their nest eggs — I think it's wonderful when kids can turn the tables and help their parents. It's especially great if it's not a huge strain on the kids' finances.

It sounds like your mother is one lucky lady, not only because you have the desire and means to help her, but also because you're sensitive to her feelings. And I think there are a number of meaningful ways to help her without making her feel uncomfortable.

SHARE YOUR FINANCIAL KNOW-HOW

You might open the door by talking to your mom about your own finances, what you're learning and how you're managing. Talk to her about budgeting, saving and how you make choices in your own financial life. That will give her the confidence that you're doing OK.

The next logical step is to talk about her finances. What are her income sources? Does she have enough to cover her essential expenses like housing, food and insurance? What trade-offs does she have to make? By looking at her budget with her, perhaps you'll see places where she can make different choices so she doesn't have to skimp in one area or another.

Helping her manage her money better will give your mother a greater sense of independence. At the same time, by reviewing all this with her, you'll be better able to see the areas where she might need a little extra help.

PINPOINT ONE AREA WHERE YOU'RE PARTICULARLY INTERESTED IN HELPING OUT

If your mom is living on a tight budget, she may be denying herself something that you feel is essential to her well-being and safety. For instance, does she have adequate insurance coverage? What about a cellphone or Internet connection? You could offer to pay for something practical like regular housecleaning or service on her car. Or maybe she'd really benefit from having a gym membership, but it would seem like an extravagance to her.

Focus on something that you think would improve the quality of your mother's life and tell her you'd really like to cover it for her; that rather than being a burden, it would make you feel good to do it. For instance, a friend of mine whose 85-year old mother lives alone picked up the tab for a life-alert system. She phrased it as being as much for her own peace of mind as for her mother's.

PAY FOR A SPECIAL TREAT FOR THE TWO OF YOU

In the same spirit, you could offer to take your mom out to dinner on a regular basis, or perhaps plan and pay for a spa day or even a vacation together. By giving her a bit of luxury, you'll spare her having to budget for it. And by doing something together with her, you'll be showing her that it's not just about money, but also about spending quality time with each other.

SHOW CONTINUED INTEREST IN HELPING HER STAY ON TOP OF HER FINANCES

Your interest in helping your mother is a valuable gift in itself. However you choose to do it, try to make sure it's not a one-time event. As your mom gets more comfortable with having you involved in her financial life, make an effort to stay involved.

Keep discussing your mutual finances, the transitions you each have to make at different times in your lives, and the continual choices that are necessary. And don't shy away from difficult topics like estate planning. For instance, make sure she at least has a basic will and an advance health care directive.

Having brought you up in a house full of love, rather than being put off, your mom will recognize that your concerns for her financial security come out of love. That should give her a real sense of pride.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER(tm), is president of Charles Schwab Foundation and author of "The Charles Schwab Guide to Finances After Fifty," available in bookstores. Read more at http://schwab.com/book.You can e-mail Carrie at [email protected]. This column is no substitute for an individualized recommendation, tax, legal or personalized investment advice. Where specific advice is necessary or appropriate, consult with a qualified tax advisor, CPA, financial planner or investment manager. To find out more about Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.