AUSTIN — Oh boy, now we are getting to the silly season. Rep. Dan Burton, the fool from Indiana, now commences his investigation of President Clinton's 1996 fund-raising practices. This is the funniest concept since the Republicans put Sen. Al D'Amato in charge of an ethics investigation. Burton's own fund-raising practices are so rank that he's under investigation by a federal grand jury on accusations of shaking down a lobbyist for a foreign country.

If you want a case study of what's wrong with our campaign financing system, you couldn't do better than to study Brother Burton himself. Just for starters, in the 1996 election cycle, according to The Washington Post, Burton listed 413 contributions from individuals; only 71 were from Indiana. By contrast, more than 100 donations came from Sikh and Kashmiri communities in the United States. Burton raised more money from the Cuban community in Florida than he did in Indiana.

The New York Times has described Burton as "a compulsive fund-raiser." He has accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal contributions from lobbyists and others promoting Guatemala, Turkey, Aruba, an independent homeland for Khalistan in India's Punjab state, and other foreign interests. He raised so much money for his last run for Congress that the campaign ended with more than $900,000 in interest. Indiana Democrats have yet to find anyone willing to run against him in '98 because of the size of his war chest.

Burton took $9,500 in contributions and honoraria from a lobbyist for the former dictator and world-class kleptocrat Mobutu Sese Seko from 1989 to 1994, and he was entertained in the dictator's palace in return. Burton advocated pro-Mobutu policies on the House floor and tried to secure a U.S. entry visa for Mobutu. Burton once explained the many services he has done for the Cuban-American community (not a large factor in Indiana politics) by saying, according to the Post, that "I just can't stand tyrants. Castro is a tyrant, a bully, he mistreats people for his own purposes."

Normally, we would all be grateful to have a fellow of such upstanding principle in Congress, except that Burton's dislike of tyrants did not extend to the late Mobutu, a dictator of such inhuman malice that his own people loathed him. Some have estimated that Mobutu stole as much as $7.5 billion from his people.

Burton recently returned the money from Mobutu's lobbyist and illegal contributions from at least two Sikh temples. He and Vice President Al Gore could have an interesting chat about that. Burton also accepted contributions from a militant Sikh organization, the Council of Khalistan, which several papers have said is identical to a registered charity of another name — which would make those contributions illegal, too.

Burton's most pressing problem right now is the allegation made by Mark A. Siegal (a professor of political management at George Washington University and a former lobbyist for Pakistan). Siegal said that Burton threatened to shut off his access on Capitol hill last year unless Siegal came up with a $5,000 contribution.

Siegal told the Times: "This is all immoral and unethical and also illegal. This has been pretty rough on me. But he goes on national television and calls me a liar." Burton has admitted asking Siegal for $5,000 and then complaining to the Pakistani ambassador when Siegal failed to come up with the money, but he denies trying to extort money from Siegal.

Asked on "Meet the Press" if he himself had ever made any fund-raising calls from his office, Burton replied: "I can't say never, categorically, but I don't remember ever making them." That's precisely what Clinton says; he and Burton could have a nice chat about that.

Just the man to investigate other people's campaign finance irregularities, eh? How do the Republicans find these gems?

The rest of Burton's record is just as peculiar as his financing. He is one of the leading conspiracy theorists in Congress, and according to the right-wing journalist David Brock, "many colleagues in his own party think he's nuts." He has an obsession about AIDS and introduced a bill that would require every person in America to get mandatory testing for AIDS every year. According to several people close to him, Burton refuses to eat soup or salad in a restaurant for fear of getting AIDS. That's actually not the strangest form of AIDS phobia I ever heard of; Texas once had a congressman named Tom Loeffler who wore shower caps on his feet while in San Francisco lest he get AIDS.

Burton is also obsessed with the idea that Vincent Foster was murdered and that all the investigations calling it suicide are part of a massive conspiracy to cover it up. In pursuit of this crackpottery, he staged a "re-enactment" of Foster's death in his backyard and personally fired bullets into what he described as a "headlike thing."

Other career highlights include the time he urged President Bush to nuke Iraq and his stated belief that Clinton taps his (Burton's) telephone. He also believes that the Justice Department and the Internal Revenue Service are involved in conspiracies. Just this weekend, Burton announced that he believes the videotapes of White House coffees may have been altered, although he offered no proof whatever for the assertion. The White House was, it is reported, livid. (Don't you wonder how a house can be livid?)

As chairman of the Government Reform Committee, theoretically looking into campaign finance abuses, Burton hired David Bossie, a man described in The Wall Street Journal as a "wacko" and a "wild-eyed conspiratorialist." The committee's top lawyer, John Rowley, resigned in protest over Bossie's actions.

As you can see, good times lie ahead for us all.

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Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.