Dear John, I am 21, and I am confused. I have so many guy friends, but all of them are players. None of them want girlfriends. They just want to play. Why? Are most guys in their early 20s players? Its like once one girl breaks their heart, they are through with committed relationships. Why is this? —Puzzled, in San Francisco, Calif.

Dear Puzzled, Sure, it might be that these guys have experienced broken hearts, but it's more likely that they are still trying to figure out what they like and don't like being in relationships. Your early adult years are meant to be just that: a time of self-discovery. Certainly there are some men (and women) who, at an early age, know what they want, but that is the exception to the rule.

If you are looking for the kind of man who is interested in a serious relationship, it is time for you to expand your circle of friends. Seek out girlfriends who are in committed relationships and their guys are far more likely to know other single men who will also be interested in a committed relationship. There is a lot of truth to the expression: birds of a feather flock together.

Dear John, After 18 years of marriage, my husband and I recently separated. I just read your classic book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," and he is reading it now. He told me he feels like his "rubber band," your expression about how a man will move away and then bounce back. But he claims that he was stretched so far that he broke and now doesn't know how to fix it or how to return. —Can that Happen? in Winter Haven, Fla.

Dear Can That Happen, It's certainly a good sign that he is reading up on ways in which the two of you can work things out. I'd also suggest that he go to a licensed marriage counselor so that he finds the support he needs in sorting out his feelings.

From what you say, at this time, he may possibly be asking for both time and space in order to think things through. Let him know that he has this. Be it three or six months, a separation will allow him to remember why he was in love with you in the first place. At the same time, you will be regaining the sense of independence that you once had.

He needs to know that you are capable of having a happy life without him. Don't be needy, and don't make him feel that your happiness depends upon his return. As he sees that you are capable of making yourself happy, his attraction to you will grow stronger. Then, like that rubber band, he may indeed snap back, and the choice to welcome him back or go your own way will be easier for you to make.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.