Dear John: How do I convey to my partner that I need more caresses, kisses, touching, holding, and loving? I believe he'd be willing, but how do I get him to do it without actually saying: "Touch me here, kiss me there, hold me close." I have tried moving his hands, and he enjoys the play I do with his body, but I would like him to do the same for me. He seems so content to just lay there and let me love on him. I feel I'm getting half of the love I need and deserve! It's left me wondering... —What Else Can I Do? in Sun Valley, Idaho
Dear What Else: You're under the mistaken impression that men are fast learners. Wrong! Most men who are getting what they want will just keep doing what they have done in the past. I appreciate that you're telling me what's wrong, but now it's time to tell him . Now here's the trick: Carefully and lovingly convey your message — repeatedly, until he gets it.
Forget the subtle hints, because most men don't do
subtle. Don't just move his hands; tell him why this and that makes you feel so great. Nearly all men want to give pleasure to their partners but will secretly admit that they're not certain just how to do this. When you make him feel like he can be a better lover to you, he'll respond quickly and rise to the occasion.
Dear John: Last night, I caught my husband of two years lying to me. It wasn't about a big issue. Actually, it was relatively small. We've been married for two years, and we're both under 30, and I'm actually older than him by two years. Is this a maturity thing or is he never going to outgrow this? I just think that fibbing about things that don't really matter all that much is silly. How can I get him to stop? —Tired of Pinocchio, in Pittsburgh, Pa.
Dear Tired: He's not your bad little boy, and you're not his mommy. It sounds like you both of you have fallen casually into this bit of role playing and the only way to stop this is to tell him that you find his little deceits silly and you would far prefer his being open and honest with him. I don't imagine that you were hoping to adopt a twenty-something-year-old son. Don't leave him with the impression that you secretly enjoy this game of cat and mouse, and you'll see him drop this behavior in a matter of weeks.
John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: [email protected] All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.