Dear John, I turned 40 in October. I am a divorced woman raising a 12-year-old daughter and a soon-to-be 9-year-old son alone. Although I was briefly engaged last year, I broke it off because my fiance was definitely not the right man for me. How does a woman go about finding a good man? Do I wait for fate to take its course, or do I look for Mr. Right on the Internet or some other service? Most of the time, I don't even think about it because I am busy raising my children to the best of my ability, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life without love. ?—Looking for Mr. Right in San Diego, Calif.

Dear Looking, There is not one way to find a soul mate. From what you've written, you are not actively looking for a partner. Perhaps you should be. While it is possible that you might just "bump into" Mr. Right, it can only happen if you are at the right place at the right time.

Where or when is that? It could be anywhere, but first you must give yourself permission to be there. In other words, you have to realize that it is okay to make the time to seek out the companionship of others, even if that means leaving your parental obligations behind for a couple of hours a week, preferably with a trusted friend who is up for a reciprocal arrangement. Then determine what interests you. Do you like hiking? If so, join a Saturday morning hiking club. Are you interested in books? Get involved in a monthly book club. By becoming a regular member of something that indulges your interests, you will put yourself in position to meet others, and you'll be in a receptive frame of mind when you do so. Your soul mate is out and about. But you have to be out there, too!

Dear John, I have been in a nine-year relationship with "Dave." We have a beautiful 3-year-old son, but Dave still has not asked me to marry him. What should I do? Should I continue waiting for something that may never be or again try to make the break for good? When I try to talk to him about how I feel and what I want for the rest of my life, he says he feels the same, yet nothing changes. HELP! —Never Asked in Portland, Me.

Dear Never Asked, From what you write, Dave is still an integral part of your life and that of your 3-year-old-son. Yet for whatever reason, he will not formalize your union. You have two choices: you can continue to accept the love and stability he offers in the manner in which it is offered. Or you can let him know that you'd like a legal commitment, but if he is unable to provide it, you are ready to look for that commitment elsewhere.

If you choose this path, you must be ready to follow through with your decision. It won't be easy. You will have to be prepared to make the emotional break necessary to free you both up to find other partners. Then again, if a legal commitment is what you need, it is better that you ask for it than to live in bitterness without it. Go for what you want most.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.