Dear John: Is the first year of marriage the easiest or the hardest? I am a 21-year-old man, and my wife is 19 years old. We're trying hard to make a marriage work, but I don't know if we'll survive beyond the first 12 months. What tips can you give us? —Long-Term Troubles, in Jacksonville, Fla.

Dear Long-Term Troubles: Since you are so young, I'm going to assume that your dating relationship was a relatively brief period of time. While many people experience a difficult first year, not everyone does. The act of getting married doesn't solve negative issues in a relationship; it only magnifies them. If you don't give yourself enough time to go through all five stages of dating — attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy and engagement — marriage itself can put a tremendous amount of pressure on the relationship.

A rocky first year, however, does not mean that your relationship won't work. It means that you'll have to work harder to overcome its challenges. You can do this with love, communication, patience and asking for what you want, while respecting your partners needs as well. Quite often men will assume that the first year of marriage is the most passionate. In truth, if a couple grows in love, the 20th year of marriage can be better than the 10th.

Dear John: I have a boyfriend who I have been seeing for a few years. "David" and I lived together for two years, but I have recently moved back home, due to my father's medical problems. Of course, this has been a great hindrance to our relationship, but an even bigger concern I have is that I am afraid to initiate sex with David.

Although we get along and David has never cheated on me, I feel that when we are intimate, I'm not good enough for him. I feel that if I can overcome this fear, we will have a great future together. —Needing Help, in Anaheim, Calif.

Dear Needing Help: As a relationship progresses toward marriage, it is natural for feelings of insecurity or inadequacy to come up. Men aren't looking for a "perfect model in bed." They are looking for a woman who is satisfied by what they have to offer. Men don't require that their partners actively initiate sex, but they do appreciate clear signals that there is interest and enjoyment in being intimate. It's time that you let him know that you do enjoy your moments of passion with him.

With the stress and worry brought on by your father's situation, you should take the time to take care of yourself: Make an appointment at a beauty salon; make the gym a part of your daily regimen. This will help you to feel more alive, vibrant and passionate — and less insecure.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.