Dear John: I've reached the point where dating is more a game of chance than anything else. I'm a 28-year-old male who has never been married. I've never even had a serious relationship. Admittedly, I'm feeling a little panicked about hitting 30 and never having had anything close to a serious relationship.

I'm really confused by dating, and I would like to be married eventually, but I'm unable to sustain any chemistry past one or two dates. Other than initial shyness, I don't believe that I have too many serious weaknesses, although one of my female friends suggested that I may be appearing too emotionally needy to women. I believe that I have a lot to offer, but something is just not clicking. Any suggestions? —Confounded, in Warwick, R.I.

Dear Confounded: Clearly, you need to rethink your dating approach. Take to heart the feedback you've received from your friend. Possibly, you are coming off as too needy in these new relationships. You demonstrate this by sharing too much of your personal feelings and too much of your past dating history. Neediness is a huge turnoff to women. I appreciate that you want to appear open and candid, but regardless of how cavalier you may want to sound, you send a message that other women find you to be an undesirable mate — and maybe she will, too.

Instead, try asking your date more questions, and reveal less about yourself. By showing interest in her, you'll come across in the manner you really want: as a warm, caring and considerate potential mate. As for being 28 and unmarried, know that this is not a problem. It is a great benefit to spend the decade of your 20s free and independent. Now is the time for educating yourself as to what you do and don't want in a relationship, and take time to feel the support of others in these endeavors. What you learn in this decade can be the foundation for a loving relationship, so take your time and enjoy the process.

Dear John: Why do women feel the need to tell their lovers about past boyfriends and husbands or about places they've gone with other guys? It just makes the man feel used and ordinary. If these men were so great, why aren't these women still with them? —Not Competing, in Birmingham, Ala.

Dear Not Competing: Not all women need to hear this advice, but certainly some do. Some men need to hear it as well. Whenever a man or woman brag about past relationships, it certainly does nothing to make their current partner feel special. As a general rule, it's best to keep silent about past experiences, particularly past sexual experiences.

Relationships aren't nurtured in the past. They grow in the future. If you are truly interested in your new relationship, focus your energy and your love in the here and now — before your partner is out and gone.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.