Q: I was married for more than 23 years. To my shock, my husband dumped me without warning for a younger woman. I have moved to an active retirement community and enjoy it. Here, I have rediscovered a widowed resident whom I dated in college. Now, he wants to marry me. Is this a wise idea?

A: Slow down, be patient, and do your homework. In a dream, you are never old. Lonely individuals, especially those who are angry at losing a partner, often fantasize about a previous relationship. Now you are a different person. You are not as adaptable as you once were and are now much sharper about your likes and dislikes.

Focus on the reality of how your remarriage will affect your lifestyle and happiness. A positive attitude is essential. Analysts agree, the more you have in common the more likely your relationship will be successful.

Develop a marriage checklist containing those things you would want to negotiate. Helpful lists are available on websites and at libraries, and bookstores.

The law of attraction is always a major issue. Are you sexually compatible? Discuss health and how you would handle finances and spending, religious beliefs, stepfamilies, whose home would be best, caretaking and privacy desires, avocations and goals. Avoid surprises later by scheduling pre-marriage counseling.

Your objective is to know your potential partner better. There is little chance either of you will change your personalities. As conservative columnist and author Phyllis Schlafly said: "Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends what you put into it."

Each off us needs someone to love and to love us. How lucky we are when we find that partner, When he or she appears, you are on that path!

Q: I work in New York and my parents live in Seattle. I monitor them by phone and with yearly visits. Lately, I am getting the feeling that they are hiding health and financial issues from me. I feel guilty. How can I best help them?

A: Search the facts. You might learn they are OK. As long as they are capable, your loved ones have the right to make their own decisions. Remember it is impossible for you to become your parent's parents. You owe them respect.

To ease your mind asks direct questions, preferably in writing. Do you know their doctors, attorney, bank account numbers, friends, and where their important papers are kept? Ask for their contacts, phone numbers and addresses. Do they have their health documents and powers of attorney up-to-date? Have they notarized their trust documents, and revealed who gets what? Where are the keys?

Remember, if your parents decline to answer your questions, they do not have to do so. But do not give up. When they are ready, they will answer.

You reinforce your love by maintaining your contact and asking questions. Loneliness is a terrible feeling. Until you reach retirement it is difficult to appreciate how important and wonderful it is to hear from your loved ones. It beats ice cream!