Short Takes on America's Glut of Cheese, Porn Politicos and Bickering Softball Coaches

By Daily Editorials

May 23, 2016 6 min read

Eat more cheese

The Wall Street Journal reported this week that America is faced with a glut of cheese. There's also a glut of poultry and beef, created when farmers expanded herds two years ago because of cheap grain prices and growing worldwide demand. But that's subsided, good news for American consumers but not so good for farmers.

But the real problem is all that cheese. The government no longer buys surplus cheese, so farmers are freezing what they can. But freezers are full, and some kinds of cheese don't freeze too well. Right now there's enough that every American man, woman and child would have to eat three additional pounds of it this year to bring supplies back in line.

The average slice of processed cheese weights 0.6 ounces. To eat your 3-pound obligation, you're going to have to eat about 80 extra cheeseburgers this year. It's a patriotic duty.

West Lake no-shows

Residents near the West Lake and Bridgeton landfills must contend every single day with a fire burning beneath tons of waste, adjacent to a site filled with nuclear waste. No wonder they worry.

Representatives from three federal regulatory agencies now have an idea what that feels like. After online threats were made against them, the regulators pulled out of a community meeting to discuss the sites on Monday night.

Threats are bad. So is burning waste and nuclear waste.

Time to excavate the waste and reassure residents they can breathe easy. No more meetings. No more threats.

Oh, Bey

Glad you made a new plan, Stan. We don't need your losing NFL franchise, we've got Bey. The biggest name in showbiz, Beyonce, is bringing her "Formation World Tour" to the concert hall formerly know as the Edward Jones Dome on Sept. 10. Let's see, the Rams and their cranky billionaire owner or the hottest woman entertainer on the planet? No contest. If only she could play eight gigs a year here.

A Bobby Knight moment

A kind of gender-parity milestone has been reached at the University of Missouri-Columbia: A women's coach is under internal investigation for the same kinds of allegedly jerkish behavior that has caused several men's coaches to lose their jobs at other universities.

Mizzou's softball coach, the euphoniously named Ehren Earleywine, admits to being a hard-driving, in-your-face skipper. He also stands accused of berating Holly Hesse, the Missouri State University softball coach, in an email exchange last year. Hesse had accused Earleywine of various sins, including recruiting violations, dissing her team as a high school-level club and allowing the spitting of sunflower seeds in a no-sunflower-seeds zone.

To which Earleywine replied by accusing Hesse of failing to be a "big girl" by ducking a game with Mizzou. He wrote, "I have to give you credit though, you've been able to keep your job despite being horse(poop) for so long."

When the emails became public, Earleywine apologized. The university's athletic director, Mack Rhoades, opened an investigation, said to include allegations that the coach had been equally rough on some of his players. Other players criticized Rhoades' investigation and said they were playing in protest.

Earleywine wins a lot of games — his 10-year winning percentage is .750. And only football, men's basketball and wrestling make more money at Mizzou than the softball team. Earleywine has said no one would make a big deal of his coaching style if he were coaching men.

So 44 years after Title IX brought women's sports out of the closet, the question becomes: Is a women's coach allowed to be a jerk, too?

Real candidates of genius

Mike Webb, a conservative independent running for Congress in Virginia, could use some help in his social media outreach campaign. On Monday he posted a screenshot to his Facebook page as part of his search for a job. The shot showed two tabs from pornography sites.

Webb said it all was part of a test. See, he thought his computer had been infected with a virus and the guys at Best Buy said maybe a porn site was to blame. So he was just checking. Looking at porn? Don't be ridiculous.

Let the buffalo roam ...

Just a note for anyone planning to drive through Lone Elk Park this weekend: In case there are any baby bison lying around, do not attempt to rescue them.

Rangers at Yellowstone National Park this week were forced to euthanize a bison calf after a tourist, thinking the animal had been abandoned, put it in the back of an SUV. This did a couple of bad things: Suggested to the bison that it was OK to interact with humans, and caused other animals in the herd to shun the calf.

Lone Elk Park, off Interstate 44 and Highway 141, doesn't have anything like the number of buffalo (yes, we know that technically, the term is "bison," but we grew up with Buffalo Bill) that Yellowstone does. But they do tend to clog up the road. Honk if you must, but stay in the car.

... and leave cuddling to the pros

Even the lowliest Fido or Fluffy can make a kid feel better. No one knows that better than the folks at St. Louis-based Purina, which has been making animal chow for 122 years. Purina will bring kids and pets together at St. Louis Children's Hospital when its Family Pet Center opens Wednesday. Expect plenty of tail wagging, sloppy kisses and more than a few damp eyes.

REPRINTED FROM THE ST LOUIS POST DISPATCH

Photo credit: Brianna Laugher

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