It was the way they leaned in and whispered nose to nose that made me stare at the little girl and her soon-to-be stepmother.

Kimberly is 33 and engaged to be married next month to 38-year-old Will. Chloe is a bespectacled 7-year-old, sweet and witty in equal measure.

Watching Chloe as Kimberly unwrapped gifts at her bridal shower, it was clear that this was one kid who had no fear of what her father's new marriage would bring into her life.

She propped her arm on Kimberly's shoulder. She caved into Kimberly's side, cupped her ear and whispered, reducing both of them to a jumble of giggles. Several times, Chloe pushed up her funky glasses and brought her nose level to Kimberly's, their eyes locked in mutual fascination.

Three parents made this moment possible: Kimberly and Will and Chloe's mother, all of whom have made it consistently clear to this little girl that love is something to share, not hoard.

All three adults regularly sit together at her swimming and tumbling lessons. They plan her birthdays together, and their behavior during holidays telegraphs irrefutable evidence that she is a little girl entitled to joy wherever she goes.

Every time she walks through the door, the universe tilts in her direction. Every time she leaves, she knows she is so special that someone will miss her.

In this expanding family, Chloe has permission to love everybody.

What a gift. If it weren't so rare after divorce, I wouldn't be telling you about it.

By the time I arrived at Kimberly's shower, my single-parent radar was already up because of a conversation I'd had the night before. I had run into a former domestic relations judge who oversaw thousands of divorces during his time on the bench. When I asked whether he thought I should write about what kids of divorce need during the holidays, he didn't hesitate.

"Please do," he said. "You can never write about this enough because so many parents behave so badly this time of year, and it's just awful for the kids."

As regular readers know, I was a single mother for many years. I cannot claim a detached interest. I know how hard it is to plaster a smile on your face and say goodbye to your child right before a beloved holiday. The pain is physical, as if someone carved out a big chunk of your insides and then asked you to make like a court jester. All these years later, I still think of it as one of the hardest things I ever have had to do — over and over.

But I also know this: Do it right and live long enough and one day your adult children will thank you for never making them feel they had to choose whom to love. Do it badly and you still will be apologizing long after there's anything you can do to repair the damage.

During Kimberly's shower, I had the chance for a one-on-one chat with the irrepressible Chloe. We talked mostly about books and quickly found a common affection for Harry Potter.

"I'm in the middle of 'The Sorcerer's Stone,'" she said. "I'm reading it with my mother."

No hesitation, no looking around to make sure it was OK that she mentioned the parent who was not there. You often can tell when children feel otherwise. They let slip the mention of He or She Who Shall Not Be Named, and they look as if they've just been caught at something.

I never get used to that sinking feeling I get when I watch little eyes dart to see whether the wrong person overheard. Imagine the turmoil children feel whenever they are expected to deny the very love championed in so many of their bedtime stories. There is no footnote to the love between a responsible parent and a child — in children's books or in their lives.

The day after the shower, I asked Kimberly whether she thought about what might change between her and Chloe if she has children of her own. Her reprimand was gentle but resolute.

"Chloe will always be my first child," she said. "Not my firstborn, but always my first child."

Lucky, lucky girl.

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and the author of two books from Random House, "Life Happens" and "... and His Lovely Wife." She is a featured contributor in a recently released book by Bloomsbury, "The Speech: Race and Barack Obama's 'A More Perfect Union.'" To find out more about Connie Schultz ([email protected]) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.