Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.
Dear Ann Landers: Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with kidney disease. My mother told me at the time that both my sister and my brother wanted to donate a kidney so that I might live. As the months of dialysis wore on, I decided to accept their generous offer. When I expressed my gratitude, they both told me they had no idea where I had gotten such an idea. It was then obvious that my mother had invented the story. My sister subsequently wrote me a letter saying my life was not that important to her. I had always been close to my sister. That letter destroyed the love I felt for her. I then cut off all communication. Two years later, I had a kidney transplant thanks to an anonymous donor.
I recently moved back to the area where I grew up. When I visited my mother, my sister showed up. There was zero conversation between us. I tried to forgive her and be friendly, but it was impossible. I then went for counseling, but that didn't help. Is it OK if I do not forgive her? I have searched my heart and believe I am justified. I need your opinion. — Still Hurting Up North
Dear Still Hurting: No, it is NOT OK. Forgive your sister — not for her sake, but for yours. When you treat her in a warm and loving way, with no mention of the past, she will remember that she made no effort to help you when your life was in danger — and that will be punishment enough.
Dear Ann Landers: My niece, "Eva," recently graduated from high school and sent out engraved invitations to her graduation party. She called me to say she ran out of invitations, but hoped I would come to the party anyway. I said, "Of course, I'll be there."
A few days ago, my boss told me he had received one of those rare engraved invitations. Eva barely knows my boss. Yesterday, I learned she also sent engraved invitations to her doctor and two friends of mine who are casual acquaintances. It became obvious that the people she invited have one thing in common: money. I'm disgusted and have decided not to attend the party. Am I right to be angry? — Boiling in Fresno
Dear Boiling: I say go to the party. If you don't, Eva will not care, but why miss out on what could be a very good time? You now know about her value $y$tem. Unless she changes her course, she's going to have a lonely life. Poor thing.
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ANN LANDERS (R)