This summer, my son learned to tread water in the deep end, worked through awkward guitar chords and chased pickleballs that sailed just beyond his reach. Watching him fail, grapple with frustration, try again and improve made me realize something. Technology still can't build character; you need lived experience for that.
As artificial intelligence grows more capable of writing, researching, calculating and creating, the question parents should be asking is: What experiences still require my child to struggle, adapt and grow? It's the learning spaces that matter.
Sure, I have an app on my phone to tune my son's guitar and we can look up the chords to our favorite songs on the internet, but these conveniences do not take away from the fact that my 10-year-old still must build calluses on his fingertips to play the notes on a guitar string. He has to practice difficult strumming patterns again and again until he gets them right. Sometimes he even strums with frustrated tears in his eyes. On the pickleball court, he has to practice his serve, and in the pool, he has to keep treading water. All of this creates deep connections in his brain and puts confidence in his stride ... or strum.
Technology excels by removing the friction in our daily tasks. AI finishes our sentences, corrects our spelling, recommends driving routes and increasingly thinks on our behalf. It saves us time, but it also eliminates the small struggles that build confidence and competence. When's the last time you had to actually read a map and plan an unfamiliar route?
I am not anti-technology or progress. I haven't traded my iPhone for a flip phone yet. But I do want my children to understand the benefits of a more analog life: the power of using their own skill sets. There is value in the frustrations of learning. The process is precisely the point. How else do we become resilient? When will we feel the satisfaction of accomplishment if everything is done for us? Where will we discover our sense of pride without it?
Our kids need to develop the grit required to dig in and double down on a skill. When working at something that is hard, triumph is earned in a way not found on the screen. Digital games certainly require persistence, but activities in real life require accountability. Your teammates watch you miss. Your music teacher hears every flat note. You learn to recover in front of other people instead of simply respawning or restarting a level. I want my son to learn to feel the camaraderie of his bandmates and pickleball partner. Character-building doesn't feel quite as tangible when playing games on Roblox.
Learning a sport or an instrument isn't just about acquiring a skill. It's about becoming the kind of person who keeps showing up after missing the shot, hitting the wrong note or failing the swim test. Playing a sport or musical instrument requires children to learn patience and work together while building fundamental skills over time. When a game ends or a concert falls flat, there is no reset button. It's humbling. You live with that disappointment. You congratulate the other team. You practice for next time. That delayed gratification isn't something we should hope to remove; it's crucial in child development because it builds the self-control required to resist short-term impulses while fostering long-term success.
I want to help my son find his gumption and be an active member in his community. I want him to have the ability to be present in social settings without checking his phone for that quick dopamine hit every notification brings. It's hard. So much of our technology is built to be addictive, especially for children. But the greatest gift we can give them isn't a shortcut around difficulty. It's enough opportunities to discover what they're capable of on the other side of it.
Do you know anyone who's doing cool things to make the world a better place? I want to know. Send me an email at [email protected]. Also, stay in the loop by signing up for her weekly newsletter at WriterBonnie.com. To find out more about Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
View Comments