Q: I am a freshman in college. My younger sister is in her senior year of high school, lives at home and has a part-time job. The problem is she can't get her priorities straight. She is still dating her boyfriend who dropped out of high school, sells drugs and mistreats her. Since she has made him her priority and spends all her time with him, she is going downhill — drinking and taking drugs. She also sees he makes more money illegally than she can legally.

When I confront her, she claims everyone is trying to control her life. She has lost her sense of family and thinks saying, "I'm sorry" is a magic phrase that fixes everything. I know she will be fired, but she doesn't care. I stopped talking to her to prevent further conflict but told her I would always be there for her when she decides she needs help. What can I do?

A: You and your sister sound like you are at opposite ends of the moral spectrum, and saying I'm sorry is worthless when the person's actions don't match the words. This is far too serious a problem for you to tackle on your own, no matter what you read or how many methods you try. No one wants to see a family member sink into a hole too deep to climb out of on one's own.

Your sister is struggling with many issues: a lack of confidence, a lack of logic, and a lack of morals, values, and ethics. Her lack of confidence allowed her to date a boy whose poor treatment of her confirms her lack of worth. Her lack of values, morals and ethics allow her to stay in a relationship with a boy involved in illegal activity. Her lack of logic leads her to compare illegal income to legal income. A person with a strong character would not consider making money from illegal activity, regardless of the financial gains. She will, no doubt, be fired, and though you don't mention your parents, they will have to deal with her head on.

According to Dr. Ben Allen, a clinical psychologist who specializes in children, teens and adults, the younger sister is coming to a critical age where she will be on her own and her parents must get involved now. Family dynamics are important. "It sounds like the older daughter has done very well, and the younger one found her significance by going the opposite direction. The family should work together to re-establish alliances with each other." Allen suggests bringing your sister to college with you for a day and just being her friend. "Don't talk to her about her boyfriend or anything negative. You will be the one giving and shouldn't expect much in return."

Your parents have financial leverage and should insist your sister see an individual therapist as well as a family counselor to help her understand the high risks she is taking if she continues on her path. She may not gravitate toward school, but career counseling could show her all options. If she continues going downhill, Allen says she may need a hardcore intervention. Wilderness therapeutic programs for teenagers work well for some who are struggling with behavioral problems, but therapists must be careful about who attends because these programs are not for everyone. He has seen some make profound improvements, but it could be a rough or traumatic experience if a person is not physically or mentally able to cope with outdoor challenges.

Your parents may first benefit from an open, honest conversation with you on differences you see between you and your sister and how she interpreted situations and unspoken messages at home. Unfortunately, some parents are not willing to do the work needed to correct the situation. If this is the case, you may be your sister's only hope. Most colleges offer counseling services. It's important for you to stay focused and not let your sister's journey disrupt your goals for the future.

Email Lindsey Novak at [email protected] with all your workplace questions. She answers all e-mails. To find out more about Lindsey Novak and to read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.