Three-Way Friendships Require Reassurance To Combat Hormones

By Marcy Sugar

By Kathy Mitchell

March 23, 2012 5 min read

Dear Annie: I'm 16 years old, and I have two best friends, "Krystina" and "Tayler," who mean the world to me. Lately, Krystina has been full of drama. She often says she feels left out and hurt. But, Annie, we never do anything without including her.

Recently, she's been pulling this whole "you guys never tell me anything until two weeks later" thing. But I usually tell her everything at the same time I tell Tayler. She even knows stuff about me that Tayler doesn't. But she claims that Tayler tells me personal things that she doesn't repeat. That's not true, and Tayler confirmed that the three of us learn everything at the same time. If we miss something, it's because it's so unimportant that we forget.

But I will admit that sometimes I withhold things because I know Krystina will judge me and make me feel bad when I need her support the most. Still, those times are rare, and I always tell her relatively soon. Yet when I say this to her, it's like we have two different versions of reality.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose Krystina's friendship. I feel terrible that she's hurting over this, but I have no idea how to change it. I can't text her every time I dye my hair or buy a hamburger, and neither can Tayler. But then, neither does Krystina. So what do we do? — Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck: Three-way friendships are sometimes hard to navigate, particularly in high school, when hormones are running rampant and emotions are harder to control. Krystina's reality actually is a little different, and we suspect she feels she is competing for your affection. The best you can do is frequently reassure her that you value her friendship, think she's a great person and want to stay close. Try not to exclude her, and address her lack of support with honesty at the time it happens. The rest is up to her.

Dear Annie: I am married to the greatest woman in the world. Several years ago, while still in my 20s, I discovered I have a heart condition that requires a lot of medications. I will be dealing with it my entire life.

The problem is that lately my libido seems to be almost not there. My wife takes the brunt of my failure in the bedroom and often remarks that I don't find her attractive. But I do. I am more in love with her now than when we married.

We want children, and obviously, this hampers my ability to reproduce. I've been thinking about adoption. With my limitations, how do I make my wife feel as amazing as she is? — Want To Feel Young Again

Dear Want: Please make an appointment to see your doctor, and ask about changing your medications. Sometimes a little tweaking can work wonders. More importantly, take your wife with you so the doctor can explain how certain medications might interfere with your sex life. There is no reason for her to take this so personally. Frank and frequent communication is the best way to handle it, and work on other ways to make your wife feel amazing in the bedroom.

Dear Annie: Like "Undecided Mom," I have boxes of childhood memorabilia for my grown children, who now have children of their own. Instead of continuing to store their stuff, I've been "gifting" them with a year's worth of their childhood at a time.

When my daughter's first baby was born, I gave her everything I'd saved from her own first year. I loved looking through it. When that first grandchild entered 4th grade last fall, he thought it was great to see his mom's old report cards, projects and pictures from when she was his age. We've shared a lot of laughs and memories this way. — Memory Lane Traveler

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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