The Science Advice Goddess from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Wed, 22 May 2019 07:14:54 -0700 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss The Science Advice Goddess from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/the-advice-goddess-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon 5b32677ce19826cd0cbfe530ed9e2dd9 Tales From The Lopside for 05/21/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/tales-from-the-lopside Tue, 21 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship (for almost four years) that works very well, talking daily and seeing each other every two months. The problem is that it feels like he has much more love for me than I have for him. (He's totally head over heels and expresses this constantly.) I absolutely do love him, and I tell him frequently. But my love intensity just does not match his. Additionally, I should mention that I've tried to leave him in the past. I didn't think the relationship was serving me. He is married and technically unavailable. (He is working toward dissolving the marriage.) Also, he works hard but has no financial resources. I do want to stay in the relationship, but I'm not sure how to deal with the imbalance in expressiveness. I don't want to be inauthentic. &#8212; Pressured </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue May 21, 2019</p> 4b9b41c5e1b48fef00020cf653a53ce7 Pimp My Rite for 05/14/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/pimp-my-rite Tue, 14 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> My boyfriend dumped me and moved out of our place. I'm on the lease and can't afford to break it, but it still feels like "our place," and that's making it hard to move on. My hippie friend said I should burn sage or light a candle and do a "letting go" meditation. Umm, okay. Can you please explain how rituals like this are bogus and unscientific so I can get her off my back? &#8212; Annoyed </i></p> <p>As I see it, lingering emotional distress like yours requires serious intervention &#8212; like sacrificing a goat on the coffee table. (Possibly two, if one doesn't get 'er done.) <p>Updated: Tue May 14, 2019</p> 192784de69ffe79328c5e3ee06c5d634 Twisted Sisterhood for 05/07/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/twisted-sisterhood Tue, 07 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a grown woman in the middle of a feud between two of my female friends. They're both complaining to me, and I'm just responding "uh-huh" to give them the hint that I don't want to be involved. Neither's catching on. How do I get out of the middle of this spat without either friend feeling like I'm being disloyal and without my blurting out, "This is ridiculous. Grow up, ladies!" - Irritated </i></p> <p>If only these two would do as a 60-year-old dude in the U.K. just did to dispute a ticket he got on his motorcycle &#8212; invoked what The Telegraph called "the ancient right to trial by combat." Not surprisingly, local magistrates decided to stick him with a fine instead of accepting his proposal of a duel "to the death" with a motor vehicles clerk, using "samurai swords, Gurkha knives or heavy hammers." <p>Updated: Tue May 07, 2019</p> a4e5c4f5afe713f8e8dbd4796c974144 Rags Against the Machine for 04/30/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/rags-against-the-machine Tue, 30 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a slim woman in my early 40s &#8212; successful in my field &#8212; and I am always in jeans, a vintage ripped t-shirt, and boots. I mean, ALWAYS. Granted, I have an extremely expensive handbag and perfectly highlighted blonde hair, and I always wear winged eyeliner. My friends say that going "underdressed" like this is disrespectful and inappropriate for (corporate-type) business meetings. Are they right, or is rocking your own thing no matter what a sign of confidence? (P.S. I'd kill myself before I'd wear a blazer.) &#8212; Punk Rock Corporate </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 30, 2019</p> be74781a9bf38ba01414757583ae3365 There's Something About Marriott for 04/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/theres-something-about-marriott Tue, 23 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p></p><p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 23, 2019</p> 6073e03417475db6b48f16647849c8f2 Android Rage for 04/16/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/android-rage Tue, 16 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm so tired of these supposed magician multitaskers on their cellphones. The guy I'm dating and some of my friends don't seem to get how disrespectful it feels when they play around on their phone or text while I'm talking to them. Am I crazy to want eye contact and attention when I'm talking? &#8212; Irritated </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 16, 2019</p> 4bd9a2d762983534b65c8d0e671138d1 The Litter Mermaid for 04/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/the-litter-mermaid Tue, 09 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm not the best housekeeper or the tidiest person. I've got papers everywhere, dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, and an unmade bed. I have a very long-haired cat who leaves fur everywhere. I joke to men that "fighting entropy is a losing battle," but I'm starting to wonder whether my messy place is keeping me single. Obviously, if somebody's coming over, I'll make an attempt to clean up. But it occurred to me that maybe men see my place and think either I'm lax in my own personal hygiene (I'm not) or I'd be a bad girlfriend/wife. &#8212; Sloberella </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 09, 2019</p> e6baabfc905146aa995c29e4b299c82e Crone's Disease for 04/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/crones-disease Tue, 02 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a straight single woman nearing 50. My best friends are a lesbian couple. I'm going to get some nonsurgical skin tightening on my face, and they got very judgmental about it: "We think you're beautiful as you are." Next, it was "What if it goes wrong?" and "Will you keep getting procedures till you don't look like you?" I ended up crying and then getting really angry. First of all, it's my face. Secondly, I don't think they understand the pressure on straight single women to look young and beautiful. Thirdly, I think my friends should support me in my decisions even if they don't agree with them. Am I wrong? &#8212; Upset </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 02, 2019</p> 391bb0b970d8816e7843f81b64cfcf8f Eye Anxiety for 03/26/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/eye-anxiety Tue, 26 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I've been with my boyfriend for four years. I thought I was super happy, but I recently got a crush on a co-worker. Now I'm worried that maybe I'm not totally satisfied in my relationship. If I were truly in love with my boyfriend, why would I be crushing on somebody else? Does this make me more vulnerable to cheating? Should we go into therapy? &#8212; So Confused </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 26, 2019</p> 926b63325d6e47507a4a1912b04b889a Between A Squawk And A Hard Place for 03/19/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/between-a-squawk-and-a-hard-place Tue, 19 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a 32-year-old gay man, and my boyfriend of three years sometimes vents to his friends about our relationship. I feel a little betrayed by this &#8212; like my privacy's being violated. Why can't he figure things out on his own &#8212; without bringing in a jury? &#8212; Disturbed </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 19, 2019</p> 93ea8ad247a3924b868abbcfe59d94fb A Hard Yuk Story for 03/12/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/a-hard-yuk-story Tue, 12 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a 34-year-old struggling comic. My girlfriend is a 29-year-old children's therapist. We've been together for a year. She wants to move in with me, wants me to meet her parents &#8212; adult relationship stuff that I don't feel ready for now. I love her, but I live in a studio without a kitchen. I don't even have a car. As a man, I want to be a "provider" for the woman in my life. She doesn't want to wait. &#8212; Don't Wanna Lose Her </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 12, 2019</p> 3878e4a9ae04441de70c4c6d9e671183 Youth Hostile for 03/05/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/youth-hostile Tue, 05 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I'm a 35-year-old woman who's been married for a year to a 70-year-old man. My husband's closest female friend is also one of his exes. He's known her for 40 years. She's a real sore point for me. She stayed at our apartment while we were away. She wouldn't reply to any of my emails but constantly emailed my husband. Recently, I saw a text my husband sent telling her to just email him at work because I have access to his phone. (That's how I discovered that she was dissuading him from fixing things with me when we were fighting.) I feel that a husband shouldn't have marriage-undermining friendships. I want him to stop talking with her. Am I wrong here? &#8212; Angry </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 05, 2019</p> 4957582c80fb33a545168dd56ef9c529 No Girls Aloud for 02/26/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/02/19/no-girls-aloud Tue, 26 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I'm a female comic, so being smart and funny and having a strong personality is basically my job, as well as who I am. A friend had me stop by his business meeting at a cafe so he could introduce me to his client he was hoping to set me up with. I tend to show off when I'm nervous (going big, loud, and funny), and I apparently terrified the guy. My friend scolded me, telling me it's a turnoff for men to have to compete with a woman. Come on! I'd be thrilled to have a partner who is smarter and funnier. Shouldn't men be like that, too? &#8212; Bummed </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Feb 26, 2019</p> 92bf4946c5ad9afb7a2b52980344959f Eat, Gray, Love for 02/19/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/02/19/eat-gray-love Tue, 19 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I am almost 50 but look much younger, and I'm noticing that a number of the guys who are pursuing me are in their early 30s. I'm flattered but not really interested, as I want to get married again and I'm thinking that these guys are too young to consider that and probably want to have babies. Am I a magnet for guys with mommy issues? What gives? &#8212; Puzzled </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Feb 19, 2019</p> 651dddb40d79c6339321fc4a47c805dd America's Next Top Remodel for 02/12/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/02/19/americas-next-top-remodel Tue, 12 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I'm seeing so many women on Instagram who've had themselves made over to be super hot through cosmetic surgery and injectable fillers. They all have the same face &#8212; with big, luscious lips and huge doll-like eyes. In every shot, they're in full makeup &#8212; crazy eyeliner, tons of contouring. Do guys actually like this plastic Barbie look? Are guys cool with cosmetic surgery in general? &#8212; Curious </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Feb 12, 2019</p> 056d0af56b046835172d20f49fd13df6 Care Bare for 02/05/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/02/19/care-bare Tue, 05 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I'm dating this new woman. I like her a lot, but she keeps complaining that I still have pictures of my ex-girlfriend on my wall, saying that it makes her uncomfortable, especially when we're having sex. I was with my ex for a while, and we lived together. They're just pictures. What's the big deal? &#8212; Irritated </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Feb 05, 2019</p> 7ddf61a73ba57c20e15e69061ded1d8f Areola 51 for 01/29/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/01/19/areola-51 Tue, 29 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> A lot of women are posting pix of themselves on Instagram in very skimpy attire. I don't feel comfortable doing that (though I'm in great shape), because I'm single and I'm afraid men would think I'm "easy." Am I right in thinking men don't take you seriously as relationship material if you post this type of pix? Or am I prudish and out of touch? &#8212; Curious </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jan 29, 2019</p> 4fc5610a2ce8719692e920c102f592c3 Cling Kong for 01/22/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/01/19/cling-kong Tue, 22 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> My girlfriend of three years recently took a trip home for a weekend wedding. Before she left, I asked her, "Can you set my expectations as to how often I'll hear from you?" She said she'd call every day. She called each of the three days but never stayed on the phone very long, always giving some excuse: She was in a bar, the hosts were sleeping, etc. In three days, she spent a total of 43 minutes speaking and reconnecting with me. I told her I felt really hurt by how little time she allocated. She responded that there were things planned, that she was sometimes at the behest of others driving her places, etc. I am sure that's all true. Though I'm not insecure, I've felt insecure about my relationship with her. So...what do you think? Do I have a valid reason to feel neglected and invisible? &#8212; Ignored </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jan 22, 2019</p> 65bf007f39f9bfdd12accb9d5437f023 Gramping Her Style for 01/15/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/01/19/gramping-her-style-bef77 Tue, 15 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> My friend just joined a dating site for elite creative professionals. Unfortunately, it grabs your age from Facebook, so you can't shave off years. At 50, she's outside of most men's search parameters &#8212; even older men's. What gives? &#8212; Concerned </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jan 15, 2019</p> 46177524a587cf5f550d3b245fee1424 Foul Pay for 01/08/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/01/19/foul-pay Tue, 08 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I went out with a feminist who was all into women's empowerment, but when the bill came, she made no effort to chip in. Please explain this type of feminism. Is it somehow possible that she didn't notice the check? &#8212; Incredulous </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jan 08, 2019</p>