The Science Advice Goddess from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Mon, 15 Jul 2019 16:01:01 -0700 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss The Science Advice Goddess from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/the-advice-goddess-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon ea6a63af296812f4c24c0ca24182ef4a The Incredible Sulk for 07/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/07/19/the-incredible-sulk-026a4 Tue, 09 Jul 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a married lesbian working on having another baby with my fab wife. My new best friend is an attractive straight girl who lives in another state. We talk and text every day. It isn't sexual or romantic at all, but my friend gets me in a way that, I'm sorry to say, my wife does not. My wife seems jealous. I've noticed her moping around when I'm on the phone and sometimes rolling her eyes when I'm laughing with my friend. How can I reassure her without giving up my new friend? &#8212; Concerned </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jul 09, 2019</p> 8dc4ef2f759ff068ac95d23e3ce8023a Baptism By Liar for 07/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/07/19/baptism-by-liar Tue, 02 Jul 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I was talking with this guy whom I've known for over six years who lives a plane ride away. It was late at night on a weekend, and he was saying all this mushy sexy stuff and how he wanted to fly me out to his city, blah, blah, blah. Afterward, he never called or texted again. It's been weeks now. He's done this before &#8212; come on really hot and heavy and then disappeared. And he doesn't drink or do drugs, so that isn't an explanation. Why do men do this? &#8212; Feeling Dumb For Believing...Again </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jul 02, 2019</p> 45af4995d6dbaaefc866bd38b2c72026 The Heart Is a Clonely Hunter for 06/25/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/06/19/the-heart-is-a-clonely-hunter Tue, 25 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p></p><p><i> I've heard that we're romantically attracted to people who look like us. Is that true? I don't think any of my boyfriends have looked anything like me, but I have seen couples who look so similar they could be related. &#8212; Wondering </i><p>Updated: Tue Jun 25, 2019</p> 05a87f1de85d71f619db19f7dbeeacb8 The Pathogen of Least Resistance for 06/18/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/06/19/the-pathogen-of-least-resistance Tue, 18 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p></p><p><p>Updated: Thu Jun 20, 2019</p> 3061899b412847f1ed3e0b7ea662f78e Sotally Tober for 06/11/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/06/19/sotally-tober Tue, 11 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I spent years on and off drugs and alcohol, but I've been sober for six years. I'm just not the same self-centered immature brat I was. Last week, I reached out to my best friend's brother to apologize for things I did about seven years ago. He still hasn't responded to my text (requesting time to talk to make amends). He told my friend he was having a hard time believing I'm any different. But I am, and I want to prove to him I have changed. How can I do that? &#8212; Sincere </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jun 11, 2019</p> 9506480deff628162dad0c2c48048673 Sister Knives for 06/04/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/06/19/sister-knives Tue, 04 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> My sister dates super hot guys, but she's always telling me that looks aren't what matter and I should go for a man who's stable and reliable. Is she looking out for me? How come she doesn't follow her own advice? It seems weirdly hypocritical. &#8212; Puzzled </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Jun 04, 2019</p> 46e54b16670b7681ba475069081a2917 Having It Tall for 05/28/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/having-it-tall Tue, 28 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p></p><p><i> I'm a 6'2" woman. What's the ideal way for me to respond when people (almost always men and total strangers) ask, out of the blue, "How does a woman your height find boyfriends?" &#8212; Annoyed </i><p>Updated: Tue May 28, 2019</p> 5b32677ce19826cd0cbfe530ed9e2dd9 Tales From The Lopside for 05/21/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/tales-from-the-lopside Tue, 21 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship (for almost four years) that works very well, talking daily and seeing each other every two months. The problem is that it feels like he has much more love for me than I have for him. (He's totally head over heels and expresses this constantly.) I absolutely do love him, and I tell him frequently. But my love intensity just does not match his. Additionally, I should mention that I've tried to leave him in the past. I didn't think the relationship was serving me. He is married and technically unavailable. (He is working toward dissolving the marriage.) Also, he works hard but has no financial resources. I do want to stay in the relationship, but I'm not sure how to deal with the imbalance in expressiveness. I don't want to be inauthentic. &#8212; Pressured </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue May 21, 2019</p> 4b9b41c5e1b48fef00020cf653a53ce7 Pimp My Rite for 05/14/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/pimp-my-rite Tue, 14 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> My boyfriend dumped me and moved out of our place. I'm on the lease and can't afford to break it, but it still feels like "our place," and that's making it hard to move on. My hippie friend said I should burn sage or light a candle and do a "letting go" meditation. Umm, okay. Can you please explain how rituals like this are bogus and unscientific so I can get her off my back? &#8212; Annoyed </i></p> <p>As I see it, lingering emotional distress like yours requires serious intervention &#8212; like sacrificing a goat on the coffee table. (Possibly two, if one doesn't get 'er done.) <p>Updated: Tue May 14, 2019</p> 192784de69ffe79328c5e3ee06c5d634 Twisted Sisterhood for 05/07/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/05/19/twisted-sisterhood Tue, 07 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a grown woman in the middle of a feud between two of my female friends. They're both complaining to me, and I'm just responding "uh-huh" to give them the hint that I don't want to be involved. Neither's catching on. How do I get out of the middle of this spat without either friend feeling like I'm being disloyal and without my blurting out, "This is ridiculous. Grow up, ladies!" - Irritated </i></p> <p>If only these two would do as a 60-year-old dude in the U.K. just did to dispute a ticket he got on his motorcycle &#8212; invoked what The Telegraph called "the ancient right to trial by combat." Not surprisingly, local magistrates decided to stick him with a fine instead of accepting his proposal of a duel "to the death" with a motor vehicles clerk, using "samurai swords, Gurkha knives or heavy hammers." <p>Updated: Tue May 07, 2019</p> a4e5c4f5afe713f8e8dbd4796c974144 Rags Against the Machine for 04/30/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/rags-against-the-machine Tue, 30 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a slim woman in my early 40s &#8212; successful in my field &#8212; and I am always in jeans, a vintage ripped t-shirt, and boots. I mean, ALWAYS. Granted, I have an extremely expensive handbag and perfectly highlighted blonde hair, and I always wear winged eyeliner. My friends say that going "underdressed" like this is disrespectful and inappropriate for (corporate-type) business meetings. Are they right, or is rocking your own thing no matter what a sign of confidence? (P.S. I'd kill myself before I'd wear a blazer.) &#8212; Punk Rock Corporate </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 30, 2019</p> be74781a9bf38ba01414757583ae3365 There's Something About Marriott for 04/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/theres-something-about-marriott Tue, 23 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p></p><p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 23, 2019</p> 6073e03417475db6b48f16647849c8f2 Android Rage for 04/16/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/android-rage Tue, 16 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm so tired of these supposed magician multitaskers on their cellphones. The guy I'm dating and some of my friends don't seem to get how disrespectful it feels when they play around on their phone or text while I'm talking to them. Am I crazy to want eye contact and attention when I'm talking? &#8212; Irritated </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 16, 2019</p> 4bd9a2d762983534b65c8d0e671138d1 The Litter Mermaid for 04/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/the-litter-mermaid Tue, 09 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm not the best housekeeper or the tidiest person. I've got papers everywhere, dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, and an unmade bed. I have a very long-haired cat who leaves fur everywhere. I joke to men that "fighting entropy is a losing battle," but I'm starting to wonder whether my messy place is keeping me single. Obviously, if somebody's coming over, I'll make an attempt to clean up. But it occurred to me that maybe men see my place and think either I'm lax in my own personal hygiene (I'm not) or I'd be a bad girlfriend/wife. &#8212; Sloberella </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 09, 2019</p> e6baabfc905146aa995c29e4b299c82e Crone's Disease for 04/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/04/19/crones-disease Tue, 02 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a straight single woman nearing 50. My best friends are a lesbian couple. I'm going to get some nonsurgical skin tightening on my face, and they got very judgmental about it: "We think you're beautiful as you are." Next, it was "What if it goes wrong?" and "Will you keep getting procedures till you don't look like you?" I ended up crying and then getting really angry. First of all, it's my face. Secondly, I don't think they understand the pressure on straight single women to look young and beautiful. Thirdly, I think my friends should support me in my decisions even if they don't agree with them. Am I wrong? &#8212; Upset </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Apr 02, 2019</p> 391bb0b970d8816e7843f81b64cfcf8f Eye Anxiety for 03/26/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/eye-anxiety Tue, 26 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I've been with my boyfriend for four years. I thought I was super happy, but I recently got a crush on a co-worker. Now I'm worried that maybe I'm not totally satisfied in my relationship. If I were truly in love with my boyfriend, why would I be crushing on somebody else? Does this make me more vulnerable to cheating? Should we go into therapy? &#8212; So Confused </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 26, 2019</p> 926b63325d6e47507a4a1912b04b889a Between A Squawk And A Hard Place for 03/19/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/between-a-squawk-and-a-hard-place Tue, 19 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a 32-year-old gay man, and my boyfriend of three years sometimes vents to his friends about our relationship. I feel a little betrayed by this &#8212; like my privacy's being violated. Why can't he figure things out on his own &#8212; without bringing in a jury? &#8212; Disturbed </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 19, 2019</p> 93ea8ad247a3924b868abbcfe59d94fb A Hard Yuk Story for 03/12/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/a-hard-yuk-story Tue, 12 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><i> I'm a 34-year-old struggling comic. My girlfriend is a 29-year-old children's therapist. We've been together for a year. She wants to move in with me, wants me to meet her parents &#8212; adult relationship stuff that I don't feel ready for now. I love her, but I live in a studio without a kitchen. I don't even have a car. As a man, I want to be a "provider" for the woman in my life. She doesn't want to wait. &#8212; Don't Wanna Lose Her </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 12, 2019</p> 3878e4a9ae04441de70c4c6d9e671183 Youth Hostile for 03/05/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/03/19/youth-hostile Tue, 05 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I'm a 35-year-old woman who's been married for a year to a 70-year-old man. My husband's closest female friend is also one of his exes. He's known her for 40 years. She's a real sore point for me. She stayed at our apartment while we were away. She wouldn't reply to any of my emails but constantly emailed my husband. Recently, I saw a text my husband sent telling her to just email him at work because I have access to his phone. (That's how I discovered that she was dissuading him from fixing things with me when we were fighting.) I feel that a husband shouldn't have marriage-undermining friendships. I want him to stop talking with her. Am I wrong here? &#8212; Angry </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Mar 05, 2019</p> 4957582c80fb33a545168dd56ef9c529 No Girls Aloud for 02/26/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/02/19/no-girls-aloud Tue, 26 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p><i> I'm a female comic, so being smart and funny and having a strong personality is basically my job, as well as who I am. A friend had me stop by his business meeting at a cafe so he could introduce me to his client he was hoping to set me up with. I tend to show off when I'm nervous (going big, loud, and funny), and I apparently terrified the guy. My friend scolded me, telling me it's a turnoff for men to have to compete with a woman. Come on! I'd be thrilled to have a partner who is smarter and funnier. Shouldn't men be like that, too? &#8212; Bummed </i></p> <p><p>Updated: Tue Feb 26, 2019</p>