Wedding Bells 2009

If a lavish, formal wedding is not your dream, you are in good company. Many couples are opting for simplicity with down-home flair, whether it means homemade favors or a low-key location. Lucy Ridolphi, marketing and PR manager of Sundance Resort in Sundance, Utah, attributed this to a combination of factors.

Jennifer Lopez romanticized the role of wedding planners in 2001 when she starred opposite Matthew McConaughey in the movie called, as luck would have it, "The Wedding Planner." The heroine of the movie, she was also the savior of frazzled brides who wanted perfect weddings. Real-life wedding planners also aid in creating magical, seemingly trouble-free days by coordinating all of the details that normally stress couples. When the wedding is far away, or the bride and groom are extremely busy, having that one person to run interference can be a huge plus.

You might think that brides and grooms would be in a panic about money, squeezing every penny to achieve a dream wedding with charity not even on their radar. But charitable giving is at the top of many couples' priority lists, since they're just so grateful to have each other. Many couples may want to give, but aren't sure of where to start. Here are the top ways that people are planning their weddings with a focus on giving back:

Having a teenage daughter is a bit like living in the middle of a zombie movie. There will be a knock on the door, and when you open it you'll find standing there a smelly, unwashed, slack-faced male wearing ill-fitting clothes and wanting to take your daughter on a date. When she appears from where she has been shoveling on her makeup, he'll regard her with that zombie-hunger in his eyes. Your natural impulse is to get rid of this one, but doing so doesn't improve things: There are others out there, a whole zombie army, shambling and moaning toward your home.

When I got engaged, a friend of mine joked, "I don't know why they call it an engagement. Are you going off to war for the wedding or something?" That friend was single. They had no idea. Slaying dragons would have been a pleasure compared to what I faced: wedding planners occasionally over the top in their vision, a venue with restrictions up the yin yang, a groom who didn't want to wear a boutonniere for fear of being "girly" and an elusive DJ who showed up only two days before the event.

When it comes to choosing wedding colors, pastels aren't a thing of the past, but more modern brides are favoring non-traditional hues, from bright colors to shiny shades. "Metallics are super-hot right now," said Karen Bussen, event designer and author of the Simple Stunning Wedding book series. "Most often they're used as accents to add a little glamour or sparkle. Shoes in gold and silver are really chic."

Black and white versus color photography has been called "the great wedding debate." But actually, there's no debate at all. Today's savvy photographers are tuned in to the disparate nuances of both techniques when making memories. Images in color and black and white speak to you in very different ways. "The allure of black and white is that it zeroes in on the actual scene, bringing it down to basics," said Tiffany Stern, proprietor of Tiffany Photography in Los Angeles. "If you're shooting a really emotional photo, the viewer's attention will focus on the actual image and what it is saying."

Something old instead of new, something short and something blue. To stay on the cutting edge of fashion on your wedding day, forget traditional flowing white gowns. Hitch up those hems, don't shy away from color and get creative with consignment gowns. The season's hottest trends are all about letting a bride express her individuality.

When it comes to stressful situations, few events can compete with your wedding day, one of life's major milestones. By the time you make your exit from the reception after a day of whirlwind activity, both you and your new spouse are in dire need of a vacation. That's probably why the honeymoon was invented.

The best man toasted your husband's past exploits, your divorced parents bickered all night long and Uncle Larry got drunk and hit on all the bridesmaids. It's not the worst-case scenario, but it's close. What's a girl to do? "You need to keep your composure and turn the other cheek," said David Borgenicht, author of "The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings" ($15, Chronicle Books). "This is your day -- turning into bridezilla will only make people remember how you lost your cool, not how beautiful you are or how wonderful the day is."

You've bought that expensive gown, plunked down thousands of dollars in deposits to the caterer, photographer and florist -- and now a hurricane is about to harpoon your outdoor wedding reception. Even worse, the best man can't find your wedding rings and the band is a no-show.

If you run around in flats all day, donning high heels for that walk down the aisle can be intimidating -- not to mention painful. Yet that's what many brides do, experts say, putting fashion before feet and paying the price. "Whenever you try to dance or walk for long periods in a new shoe, you are leaving yourself open for the unexpected, which is something that you want to avoid on your wedding day. Dancing in heels can lead to stress fractures, inflammation of small bones under the big toe joint, bursitis and various other problems," warned Lori S. Weisenfeld, a New York City podiatric medicine and surgery specialist.

Whether humorous, tender, original or traditional, the vows a couple exchanges on their wedding day are meant to be a reflection of them and their dreams for a life together. The promises you make to one another, like your love, should come from your heart.

Just as a bride hopes to feel like a princess at her wedding, her bridesmaids want to look lovely, too. "Every bride has a vision of the perfect look for her wedding party, but it's important to keep in mind that bridesmaids come in all different shapes and sizes," said Christy Davis, PR manager for David's Bridal. That's why finding a dress that looks good on every member of the wedding party can be a challenge.

When it comes to wedding invitations, design and delivery can be as important as the message. "Invitations set the tone and create expectations for what the event may be like," said Allison DeMuelder, CEO of Invitation Consultants, an online invitation company. "If you send a wedding invitation with casual flip flops on it and expect everyone to come dressed in tuxedos, then your invitation may be giving off the wrong vibe."

From the ceremony to the cake, there are a lot of people involved in your wedding day. While many gratuities are included in the fees, it's customary to tip others who make your day special.

Sticking to a modest budget doesn't mean you can't have a beautiful wedding dress. Here are some ideas:

Here are some modern options for the wedding cake.