DR. WALLACE: I just finished reading the letter from the adoptive girl who was extremely happy with her adoptive parents and didn't want to find out who her birth mother was. That's all well and good. I, too, am adopted and love my adopted parents, but I want to search for my birth mother. I want to obtain a medical history to have the correct family history for any children I might have in the future. I also want to meet my birth mother and make her a part of my life. I'm 18 and will be graduating from high school soon. — Pam, Quincy, Massachusetts
PAM: More power to you! I wish you the best of luck on your quest. Choosing to seek out one's birth mother is, of course, a highly individual decision. What's important is to have the love and support of your adoptive parents no matter what you decide to do. In the event that you are able to meet your birth mother in person or over the phone, my advice is to keep your expectations reasonable. Remember that she will have many emotions flowing, some that you will never understand due to the context of what was going on in her life at the time that she put up for adoption. Be a good listener and be gracious, no matter how it goes. If you're fortunate, your wish may become a reality.
I'M NOT POSITIVE I LOVE HIM
DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and engaged to a wonderful guy. We plan to get married in two months. My fiance loves me very much. He treats me like every girl wants to be treated. I couldn't ask for a more compassionate, sweet and honorable guy.
My only concern is that I'm not positive I love him. Still, I've made my decision that I'm going to marry this guy. Do you think that women in my position ever wind up loving the guy they marry? I have dated a few other guys. I thought I loved them, but they all eventually treated me like dirt. I'm tired of being dragged through the mud on rainy days, and this guy is great, reliable, friendly and steady. That's a big reason why I want to be with him always. I'd just like for an extra spark to show up eventually. — Summer, East Moline, Illinois
SUMMER: It sounds to me like you're making the right decision. Yes, I do believe you can learn to love someone who has a good heart and very much loves you, just as you can fall out of love with someone who once swept you off your feet. The key is working on your relationship and being honest, open and caring.
"Love" can be fickle, flickering and, sometimes, even foolish. That seems to be the kind of love you have felt in the past — for guys who treated you very poorly. I applaud you for choosing to break the pattern in your life and vowing to love a decent caring man.
There is another kind of love, which is stable, deep and long-lasting. This love grows over time. I wish this kind of love for you and your fiance, and I'm confident you will attain it.
A 'LOUSY' CURFEW
DR. WALLACE: I'm 19, a freshman at a community college and live at home with my parents. My curfew is 11 p.m. on weekdays and 12:30 a.m. on weekends. I think this is a lousy deal. After all, I'm 19 and an adult, and I consider myself a mature individual.
I'd like to share your comments with my dad. — Mitch, Orange, California
MITCH: As long as you live at home, you should be subject to your family's house rules, including curfew. And I might add that your curfew rules are reasonable, in my humble opinion. Do you still want to share my answer with your Dad?
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.