Some Things You Never Forget

By Cheryl Lavin

October 23, 2016 4 min read

Kathy and Kevin had a business-by-phone relationship. She flirted with him, and they made a lunch date. She immediately bailed after she saw him. Those two minutes were Kevin's first and last date. That was 15 years ago.

Kevin says: "I've tried to accept the fact that I don't have the looks necessary to compete in the dating world. Still, I sometimes wish that I could meet someone who could get past my looks and love me for who I am."

What advice do you have for Kevin?

MAYA: The judgment of shallow people is worthless. It is ridiculous for Kevin to accept Kathy's reaction as an objective assessment of his worth. She doesn't know him.

ISLA: The next time a girl offers to meet him sight unseen, he might caution her by saying, "I'm no G.Q. model." Not only would he get points for modesty but she might then be expecting Quasimodo, and surely he will exceed that expectation!

PATRICIA: The fact that Kevin couldn't deal rationally with a single rejection and then didn't have the courage to try dating for that long suggests he may have been, and may still be, seriously disturbed. He needs a shrink.

LIZA: Look around you, Kevin. All kinds of people are coupled up. Beautiful people and plain people. Fat people and thin people. Tall people and short people. You don't need any particular traits to "compete in the dating world." You just need to be willing to do it and risk rejection.

HARLOW: My guess is Kevin looks just fine. If Kathy were really gorgeous, she might have been accustomed to hot guys. And if she were gorgeous, she wouldn't need to make blind dates.

KYLE: I wonder whether Kathy knows or cares about how much harm she did to Kevin. I had a similar experience many years ago. I immediately realized it was best to say, "good riddance."

TIFFANY: Kevin should make connections with all sorts of people in situations that are meaningful to him — volunteering, school, etc. He should do something he enjoys in a social setting, where he'll meet all kinds of people, including women. If he's doing something he enjoys, his true self will be on display, and the right women will respond to him.

MARIA: Even people Kevin would think are attractive get turned down. He should have continued flirting with women and asking them out. He probably would have been married by now to a wonderful woman who loves him. It's not too late. There's a real woman out there waiting for a real man. Kevin probably already knows her. He just needs to take a look around.

ROSE: It's ridiculous to make such a big deal out of a relatively small rejection. I've been raped, cheated on and conned over the years. I've also had successful, loving and healthy relationships. I find it insulting that Kevin thinks he's a victim. We all go through much worse and get up, brush ourselves off and try to love again. Get your skirt dirty, Kevin.

MARK: One thing Kevin might think about is what he would have done if he weren't interested in her.

What was the worst rejection you ever experienced?

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected] And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

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