She Was Fooling Herself

By Cheryl Lavin

October 20, 2018 4 min read

Lucy, you'll remember, is the woman who had an affair with Andrew while he was married. It ended, and then his wife died. Andrew wanted to continue the affair; Lucy wanted a relationship. When it was clear she was never going to be any more than a booty call, she ended it.

She thought the problem was that Andrew wasn't over his wife.

I said the problem was that in Andrew's mind, Lucy was, is and always will be a booty call.

Here's what you had to say ...

RYAN: Their affair began shortly after Andrew got married. What was he to her? Nothing more than a slut.

ALLY: Yes, Lucy was the booty call girl. Yes, Andrew was a raging hypocrite for cutting off his uncle and then doing the same thing his uncle did. Yes, he was a jerk to his wife first for cheating on her, and then for complaining about his lack of sex to Lucy and hopping in bed with her before grass had grown over his wife's grave.

SHELBY: Andrew is a hypocrite and a major jerk. As long as Lucy was his doormat, willing to go along with whatever was convenient for him, he was happy. He's not mature enough to see his faults. Good riddance!

CARLA: Yes, Lucy was a booty call, but let's look at why. I suspect Andrew has antiquated views of women and lumps them into two categories: respectable and trash, one you bring home and one you have fun with. Because Lucy was willing to have an affair with him while he was married, he lumped her in the trash category.

Remember that antiquated views have inherently different standards for men and women, so to him it was OK that he had a mistress, but she was a cheap slut. Once a woman is thrown into the trash category by a guy who thinks like Andrew, she'll never leave it in his mind.

The fact that Andrew didn't want to have an affair with Lucy has nothing to do with grieving for his wife. It just makes Lucy feel better to think that. He'll meet someone he considers respectable, and she'll have full status.

FAITH: It doesn't matter how born-again Lucy is. Andrew ain't about to have a relationship with the woman who, simply by existing, reminds him that he cheated on his wife and was willing to meet his demand for sex without a relationship even after his wife died.

SHERRY: Andrew sounds like a jerk, but he's right about one thing. Lucy does have incredibly low self-esteem. If she didn't, she wouldn't continue to beg him to continue the relationship and work things out. There's nothing to work out. Even if he wanted to, he would never have an open relationship with her and introduce her to his family. He would be terrified that it would eventually slip out that they had been sexually involved while his wife was still living.

What's the best, worst, funniest gift your partner ever gave you? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected] And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."

Photo credit: at Pixabay

Like it? Share it!

  • 0

Tales From the Front
About Cheryl Lavin
Read More | RSS | Subscribe

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE...


UP NEXT:

He Committed to Not Commit

He Committed to Not Commit

By Cheryl Lavin
Dear Cheryl: My friend is suffering from a broken heart. She won't listen to anything I say, but she reads your column regularly and may listen to you. She we Keep reading