Dear Cheryl: I've been in a relationship with a gentleman that I have loved for over 10 years. At the beginning of our friendship, he lived with a woman. He claimed it was just for convenience. He had a job, but the lady paid the bills and provided his alcohol, so he could lie around drunk. He didn't know how to manage his bills or pay the rent. It took him five years to move out.
I hung in there because I loved him and believed in him. He has since moved in and out of two apartments within three months of signing a lease. He cannot manage his paycheck and doesn't seem able to pay his rent or his other bills.
Fast-forward to today. The man that I love is now living in his mom's basement. He still gets drunk every payday and goes days — sometimes weeks — without answering his phone. When I ask him about why he doesn't answer his phone, his response is always, "But I love you." That's his answer for everything.
Yesterday, he said if we move in together, things will definitely be different. I know things will not be different. I still love him, but I don't want to live with him. He's not a stable person, and I am, and I want to stay that way. I've told him how I feel, and he has no answer.
As of now, we only get together for sex. I feel like everything is at his convenience, and I allowed it to be like that. Now, I don't really want to spend much time with him. He's a liar, and I have no faith in what he says at all anymore. I'm tired of the lies. I need your unbiased opinion. — I Think I Know What You're Going to Say, But I Need to Hear You Say It
Dear I Think I Know: Buy a vibrator and a complete set of the "Fifty Shades of Grey" books and you can have all the sex you want without having to deal with this lying, drunken, no-good lowlife who's living in his mother's basement!
This guy is no "gentleman." He's a pathetic worm who uses women and refuses to grow up. He's not going to change. He's not going to stop lying. He's not going to stop drinking. And he's never going to be responsible for himself.
Why would you ever want him in your life or even anywhere near you?
Let's pretend you have a daughter and she tells you, "Mom, I'm in love with a guy who has never taken care of himself, sponges off women" — including his mother — "lies, drinks, avoids me when it suits him and only comes around when he wants sex."
What would you tell her?
Tell yourself the same thing you'd tell her: "Dump his sorry butt!"
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