Q. I have a 3 year-old daughter who refuses to sleep in her bed. Sometimes, my husband and I put her in our bed just to get some sleep. We've tried everything from keeping her door open, to sticker charts, to bribing her with presents, but without any results. I also tried waiting in her room for her to fall asleep and then sneaking out, but that didn't work either. She woke up and wondered where I was. This problem has gotten out of hand.

I got advice from her pediatrician, but it isn't working. She suggested I put my daughter back in bed and tell her to go back to sleep, lock the door behind me and let her cry it out. I don't have a lock on the door because it's a huge fire hazard, so I hold the doorknob when she goes to the door and wait until she falls asleep. It's gotten worse, and she's now waking up four times a night and taking 30 minutes to fall asleep each time. My husband and I are so sleep-deprived. It's not healthy for either of us: I'm pregnant and my husband has a heart condition. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

A. It is not healthy for you, your husband, or your daughter to go without sleep. I know you're concerned about a potential fire hazard, but the pediatrician's advice will work if you're clear and consistent. Explain to your daughter the door will only be closed and locked from the outside until she's quiet. Then, you can open it. Of course, you should not keep it locked once she settles down or it would be a fire hazard, and frightening too. You'll also want to keep a dim light on, so she isn't frightened. Quiet lullaby music can also soothe her. As long as your daughter knows you're holding the door, she won't sleep because she believes you'll soon open the door, and she is correct. That's what you do, so she keeps playing this game.

Be honest with your daughter and don't sneak out. Tell her she's old enough to sleep on her own, or with a snuggly, stuffed animal or favorite blanket. Explain the locked-door plan to her, as well as the fact you'll be happy to keep the door open if she sleeps on her own. Permit her to quietly look at picture books while she's trying to fall asleep. Put stickers or stars on her calendar, and tell her how proud you are of her when she falls asleep on her own. Don't let her watch TV before bedtime, because it makes sleep more difficult. This approach will work if you're consistent. Don't feel guilty, because you all need sleep and this method has worked for many children.

For a free newsletter about raising preschoolers, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Raising Preschoolers" at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.