Funny lady Kathleen Madigan has a lot of negative memories of her recently completed 10-day USO tour to Iraq and Afghanistan with pal Lewis Black. But the comedienne is absolutely clear that she would return if asked.

"I don't think anyone getting on that plane to go to Afghanistan, if you've been there once, feels good about it. Nothing is worse than that hole. But if you know you're going to make some people's day, that there will be one day where these guys get to have fun in the middle of a crappy year, it's worth it," says the St. Louis-born stand-up whom Black considers the funniest woman in America.

In Kandahar, she recalls seeing troops "camping out waiting" for their show hours ahead of time in sub-freezing temperatures. "I'm used to Midwest cold. You expect snow to hit your face, not sand," she comments.

They rushed from location to location, doing shows at night, getting up for 5 a.m. calls each morning. "We went in Black Hawk helicopters out to some forward operating bases that didn't even have enough facilities for us to do shows, so we did meet-and-greets," she recalls. She also recalls feeling safer in those helicopters than she felt when rolling through the streets of Kabul in a convoy.

"We had Mike Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, traveling with us so there was an extra amount of protection," she adds.

Along the way, "Lewis and I both got kind of sick. It was grueling because we spent a lot of time in Afghanistan, which is raw and tough."

More so than Iraq?

"The base in Baghdad has a Taco Bell; what can I say?" she replies.

Clearly, the highly enthusiastic military audiences impressed her in a lasting way. "From now on, all other audiences are going to seem boring and disinterested," she says.

Right now, Madigan, whose "Gone Madigan" December Showtime special is newly out on DVD, is crossing North America on a comedy tour. She reports her parents have let her know they'll be meeting her in Las Vegas, when she performs at South Point Hotel and Casino Jan. 21-23.

"Now that they're retired, they troll around on my website and see when I'm working at casinos and they come. Then they'll phone me at 6 in the morning saying, 'Hey! Do you want to meet us for breakfast? Where's the rental car?'" She smiles. "We have a great time, actually. This year, they've had health problems and stuff, so it's kind of cool to take their minds off that, and video poker will do it."

THE VIDEOLAND VIEW: With "White Collar" returning to the USA Network lineup tonight (1/18), leading lady Tiffani Thiessen reports that viewers can expect "more face time with me this season, that's for sure, especially in the second half of the season."

Thiessen, who gave birth to daughter Harper last June, points out, "I missed a lot of shows last year."

She resumed work about seven weeks after giving birth, bringing her mom along to the set to tend TO the baby when she was busy before the cameras.

As for what's ahead for her Elizabeth Burke character, the high-end event planner who is married to FBI man Peter Burke (Tim DeKay) — who oversees the assistance being provided by reformed criminal Neal Caffrey (Matt Bomer) — on the sophisticated series? Thiessen says we can expect a storyline that involves one of Elizabeth's clients, as well as more interaction with the men.

"I think they love having my character work with all the guys on the show — more with Tim's character, of course, but they love having me with Matt as well," Thiessen says. "She is kind of the voice of reason on the show — the female voice, the female perspective."

Wouldn't want to be without that.

KEEPING UP THE PACE: Hot recording artist Taio Cruz may have taken a break to rest up from the hectic pace he kept all through 2010 — but not a very long break. He's starting off the New Year touring Europe and finishing up his second album. However, "I'm thankful every day that I don't have to have a real job," says the 27-year-old British performer with a laugh. "I'm somebody who was juggling my music with my academic career a year ago, going to college and touring at the same time. Now, to be able to do music full time is really great."

To find out more about Marilyn Beck and Stacy Jenel Smith and read their past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.