A recent letter from "Everyday Cheapskate" reader Jackie brought up a topic I've thought about a lot: cheapskate etiquette. She writes: "Can you address the difference between being cheap and being underhanded? I am asking this in the context of my job as a manager for a retail store. On more than one occasion, I have engaged in arguments with people who are trying to get deals from me that border on dishonesty.

"Here's an example: Just today I spent a lot of time arguing with a man who thought he should get a $99 philosophy book for $2.99 just because he claimed to have found it on a $2.99 table (most likely left there by another customer who browsed through it and dumped it). I think it's great for people to ask and to be assertive about getting good deals, but feeling entitled to swindle retailers just to get a bargain doesn't seem right to me."

Jackie brings up a very important topic — one that all of us should think about on a daily basis because it's that sensitive. First, let me define "cheapskate" as it should be thought of in our quest to live frugally. Cheapskates are those who give generously, save consistently and don't spend money they don't have. They are kind, ethical and honest with others, above all.

I don't doubt that you have a huge collection of ugly stories about people who just don't get it, who will do anything — sometimes things that are illegal or unethical — just to save a buck. These people give decent, honorable and wonderful "cheapskates" a bad name!

Jackie, I don't fault the customer you encountered today for thinking he'd found the deal of the century in that $99 book for just three bucks. However, upon learning the truth, he should have dropped the matter immediately.

There is always a kind and courteous way to approach a situation. Let's say I came to you with a book that was soiled and had a torn dust jacket — clear evidence that this book had been read one too many times in the store. I would say to you: "I am interested in purchasing this book, but as you can see, it's not in new condition. Is there anything you can do for me?" Now we've opened negotiations. If you say, "No, go find a clean copy on the shelf," then I have my answer. If you suggest a 10 percent discount, I am free to say I would need more than that but thanks anyway. No matter how that situation turned out, both of us would protect our dignity. No hard feelings; no wasted time.

Over the years, I have adopted a personal rule when dealing in this type of situation. I can't say I am flawless by any means, but still it has become the standard to which I aspire. I call it the Cheapskate Rule of Conduct: Always deal in such a way that when you walk away, what remains is a fragrance, not an odor.

Mary Hunt is the founder of DebtProofLiving.com and author of 17 books, including "Debt-Proof Living." You can e-mail her at [email protected], or write to Everyday Cheapskate, P.O. Box 2135, Paramount, CA 90723. To find out more about Mary Hunt and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.