Dear Margo: I'm 39 and my girlfriend is 47. We have been together for five years. A couple of times now, she has "run into" two old male friends and spent the whole day with them. She says they were just catching up and reliving old times. Any idea why she had to spend nine to 10 hours with these two older men from her past? — Mike in Michigan

Dear Mike: I do have an idea as to why these catch-up sessions last many hours, and I think she is reliving old times ... in every sense of the word, with the emphasis on "reliving." Let's put it this way: Whenever I have run into an old male friend, assuming we decide to have a cup of coffee or a drink, the get-together usually lasts about an hour. I do not think it's believable that anyone spends the equivalent of a workday — plus overtime — with anybody, catching up on anything. So now that my guess is the same as yours — the lady is stepping out — I assume you will proceed in a way that you feel is appropriate. One might surmise that your lady friend's answer to the question "Should old acquaintance be forgot?" is a heartfelt "no." Sorry to give you this news around the holidays. — Margo, realistically

Tough Love and DNA

Dear Margo: I am in the unhappy position of loving a daughter I don't like. She dropped out of school at 16 and had a baby with the sorriest lowlife she could find. When it didn't work out, we moved her to our town, helped her buy a house and car, and helped with childcare. After a few months, she hooked up with another lowlife, took our grandchild and left town, leaving a pile of bills for us to deal with. After this new jerk got her pregnant — with twins! — and left her, we quit our jobs and moved to her state to help out. The creep came back and they became a constant drain on our finances. We couldn't find decent work there so we came back home. Shortly thereafter, she and this guy went on a drug binge, and the state stepped in and took the children.

Fast-forward to three years later. A nice family adopted my precious twin grandchildren, and my husband and I have custody of the 10-year-old and are in the process of adopting him. I helped my daughter come back to the area, get into a rehab program and find a decent job at the hospital I work for. She is sloppy in her housekeeping and complains that she is overweight. She cries that she has no money, but can afford new tattoos and cigarettes. She's not using street drugs, but uses alcohol and gets prescription drugs from her physician for valid reasons, but without disclosing that she has a history of drug abuse. Frankly, her behavior embarrasses me, and even though our little guy loves his "bio" Mom, I don't think she is a very good influence on him. I have tried so hard to help her, but she wants all the benefits of being a decent, hardworking person while still behaving like trash. My husband says I should write her off, but my Mother's heart keeps holding me back. — Brokenhearted Mom

Dear Broke: The good news is that you have your grandson with you. As for your daughter, I'm afraid your husband is right and you must resort to tough love. If she hasn't figured out by now that her choices have been destructive, there is a strong possibility that another way of life is simply beyond her. You have done more than enough. — Margo, conclusively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.