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Susan Estrich
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Days of Disappointment

Comment

It's that time of year again, the time of year when high school seniors who have done everything right their whole lives discover that it wasn't good enough to get them into the colleges they dreamed of attending. Ditto for college seniors applying to graduate school.

If you got into your first-choice school, with financial aid no less, you — or your parents — can stop reading right now. This one is not for you.

This one is for the kids like me, or at least like me when I was 17 — the kids who got turned down right and left, even though they had straight A's and loads of activities and took all the hardest courses at their high school, even if the hardest courses weren't nearly as advanced as those that better-funded private and public schools offer.

As best as I can remember, I was one for six: one acceptance, five rejections, maybe a wait list or two that I can't even remember.

It didn't matter. My last-choice school — the only women's college I applied to — not only accepted me, but offered a generous financial aid package. My parents didn't even feel sorry for me. To be honest, they were relieved. No fight about going to a school that I wanted more but that had offered less.

I've heard guidance counselors at some high schools tell students that everyone ends up at the right place, that it's not the hand you're dealt but how you play it. I used to trot out those lines myself. It might even be true for some people. But some hands are still better than others, and playing a good hand well is a lot easier than spinning straw into gold.

I got a wonderful education at the women's college I attended and developed self-confidence about my professional skills that have stood me in good stead. I am a strong supporter of girls' schools and women's colleges, and I'm very grateful to the women's college I attended for opening its doors and helping me to enter.

But as I've come to realize, I developed absolutely no self-confidence about myself as a woman in my personal dealings with men.

Ask some of my friends. They'll tell you. I watch my daughter at the coed school that was my No. 1 choice (which obviously rejected me), and I see her ease with boys in classes, with boys as suite mates, and I understand that I missed some fundamental steps along the way that I never really made up.

So it goes. You do your best with what you get.

Here's another truth: No one has asked me where I went to college in years. Decades, maybe. I still count among my closest friends some of the women I went to college with. But they are not my only friends, and to be honest, I'd have to think hard about where my other friends went to college, and I might well be wrong even so. At a certain point, where you went to college, or law school or med school or whatever, matters much less than what you've done since.

No one gets through life without disappointment. If not getting admitted to your first-choice school (or your second or third or fourth) is the biggest disappointment you face, then you are beyond lucky. I got raped four years later; that was worse. My dad died three years after that; that was even worse. No one wins at everything — or at least no one I've ever met.

You do what you have to do, accept what is given, come to understand that disappointment is part of life and the only way to deal with it is to have a good cry, take a long walk or hit a few golf balls hard. Then you get back to doing your best. Anger, resentment and jealousy, the easy emotions, get you nowhere.

The same is true for parents. As I said, my parents weren't the least bit upset with what happened to me. But then, they weren't particularly upset about a lot of the tough times I faced. I think most parents are different; I certainly am. I find my children's disappointments harder to bear than my own. I do everything I can, and sometimes more than I should, to shield them from the pain I felt. But as every child — and every parent — ultimately learns, there comes a point where Mom and Dad can't make everything all right, try as they might.

So here's to you, fellow rejects and your parents. You've got plenty of good company. And they're not always right. Not even close.

To find out more about Susan Estrich and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2011 CREATORS.COM



Comments

11 Comments | Post Comment
You "had" to go to Wellesley, and you were disappointed? Talk to a kid who struggles to afford a state university. I usually like your columns, but this time you seem to seriously need a reality check.
Comment: #1
Posted by:
Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:14 PM
Now think how kids that have studied hard, have acheived great academic grades, have engaged in community benefiting activity, have worked hard and have made wonderful personal advances feel when they are wrongly passed over for some wholly unqualified illegal immigrant or passed over simply because some offensive affirmnative action initiative, the results of which are on display for all to see daly with this wholly incompetent affirmative action created, "enemy within" POTUS and FLOTUS
Comment: #2
Posted by: joseph wright
Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:24 AM
Well Mr. Wright. Why don't your obviously well loved conservatives fight against insane affirmative action policies as hard as they fight to reduce their and their golf buddies tax burdens? Success obviously isn't impossible, they've made huge gains on the tax burden front, yet only empty, angry retorhic on the social fronts that have the little people at each others throats. Maybe because the affirmative action serves their purposes? There's a hook to hang a reconsideration of your reality on my friend.
Comment: #3
Posted by: GeorgeC
Fri Apr 15, 2011 8:12 AM
@Anne W.

You assume that Ms. Estrich didn't apply to state schools. Maybe she did and they were the 5 that rejected her. Apparently, you have not applied to UVA, UT(ennessee) or Penn State. Some state schools are very competitive.
Comment: #4
Posted by: capiscan
Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:18 AM
To GeorgeC ( C as in grade?). Geroge, tax burdens spoken of out of envyand or of the notions that wealth and or property belongs to the State rather than the individual that earned or made it, that there are no individual property rights, that my property rights are not inalienable and given by God but are given by the State, that my money belongs to the State which exists to dole it out to me or just not steal from me as it sees fit and that any tax cut has to be "paid for" (by whom?) Federal burdens are too high for 55% of the working population (45% pay no fed taxes at all) and should be reduced for all. I do not recall conservatives fighting for tax cuts for conservatives only but for all wealth producers and wage earners. Even the parasitic Govermnent employees ( and there are far too many of those sponging of the productive) benefit from lower tax burdens. Affirnative action has been successful in one thing and one thing only, to wit, ensuring that the affirmatively assisted or actioned are promoted way above their ability and or pay grade, perfect examples of which are the clowns presently masquerading as POTUS and FlOTUS . Further what have you got against golf? The Affirmative Action Benefitted in Chief spends more time on the golf course than Tiger Woods and is the biggest handicap to prosperity facing this nation.
Comment: #5
Posted by: joseph wright
Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:56 AM
susan, i am a high school counselor responsible for getting kids into colleges. I will read this to all my seniors. TY for writing this article.
Comment: #6
Posted by: sammy schwab
Fri Apr 15, 2011 1:57 PM
Sammy, I am sure that you will read the article to your seniors,but I am equally sure that you will not explain that many will be disappointed simply because affirmative action underacheivers, illegals and anchor babies will step in line before them with lower grades and bonus points simply because of entnicity.
Comment: #7
Posted by: joseph wright
Fri Apr 15, 2011 3:55 PM
I like Susan's article, for the most part, especially with the addition of Mr. Wright's comments. What needs to be added to Susan's article is a warning to white males . . . You are going to be discriminated against by colleges and employers with the blessing of your government simply because you are white. Same goes for Asians. Your educational opportunities and employment opportunities are going to be taken from you, not because of something you have done (you may be one of the most noble persons to have ever lived), but simply because you are white.


And apparently, white men, unlike any other race on the planet in the history of man, did bad things in the past (LMAO). But since those white men are now dead, you have to pay. And pay you will. Additionally, it does not matter if the people whom receive your opportunities have ever been the victim of anything. In fact, they may have lived the life of privilege far beyond what you have experienced. Liberals contend such "special people" deserve your opportunities because such "special people" are members of a protected group. You see, the real goal of affirmative action is to make pathetic Liberals feel better/superior to others as such beliefs make them more “enlighten” and the unwashed masses.


Another issue I have with Affirmation Discrimination is that Liberals not only believe their “special people” deserve the educational and employment opportunities of others, such “special people” should not have to pay for such gifts. Why all the free money? Why can't these “special people” borrow money to pay for college like everyone else? Remember fellow white males, when you get out of college, you are going to have a student loan payment that rivals most mortgage payments. And, unless you are in the top 5% of your peers, you are not going to find employment after college that will support such student loans. Thus, many default on their student loans and ruin their credit further limiting their professional life. All the while, the “special people”, who partied through school and whose grades were significantly lower than yours, with no student debt, will have problems deciding which job opportunities to accept. All the while they will still be complaining about how angelic and discriminated against their race is and how evil while males are and how while males are given everything.


But what annoys me most about paying for college, is that it helps support the life style of “liberal professors” who, while not admitting it to your face, despise while males (just ask the Duke Lacrosse players). Thus, it really annoys me to think the college tuition I paid went to Liberals who openly championed discrimination against me and who probably hated me just because I was white and male.


Thus, my advice to white males: Do not go to a major college unless someone else is paying for it. Let the liberals have their white male hate fest without you. Attend the cheapest accredited college you can find. As Susan noted, a few years after you graduate, no one cares. Borrow as little money as possible and assume you will need to pay such money back on a salary that is half what you would be making if no affirmative discrimination existed. Finally, work for the government, the medical field for seniors (rest homes, nursing homes, etc.) which is funded by government, or become a government run school teacher. Do not work in a field that creates value for the country (such as engineering). Our country now punishes people who create value and rewards the blood suckers.


One more thing, as I have said before, I do not hate anyone including murders, child rapists and even Liberals. That said, I like to believe and have others to believe I would not walk across the room to spit on a Liberal if he/she were on fire; but “when push comes to shove” I will help anyone in trouble. I am not sure why, but when I see another in need, I can't hold grudges. But I like for my assistance to be freely given, not taken. Liberals and affirmation action take.
But this gets me back to Susan's article as she makes some good points; “Anger, resentment and jealousy, the easy emotions, get you nowhere.” Indeed, if any group of people deserves to be hated, Liberals do. But anger, resentment, jealousy, and hate are the emotions of a weak mind not worthy of a white male; we have to be better than that. We all feel such emotions but the smart move is to not let such emotions into your heart and soul. Please, never let a Liberal darken your heart or soul; such is their ultimate goal as then, you will become as contemptible as they are.


The only way Liberals win is by our allowing them to turn us into losers. Refuse to yield. Take all the discrimination they can dish out and still become a success. The greater the challenge the greater the victory and you will have done yourself, your family, your sex and your race proud if Liberals are still supporting Affirmation Discrimination, against white males, 100 years from now because while males are just too darn successful and happy.



With Regard to Taxes . . . .


I know liberal dominated government run schools and colleges do not teach economics, but surely you people can understand the following statement: Corporations do not pay taxes, the customers who purchase corporate products/services pay taxes. Corporations are tax collectors, not tax payers. Restated, “Corporations do not pay taxes, People do.” (a phrase I coined from the “guns do not kill” concept).


Let me explain it so that even a Liberal can understand. When I hear the stupid Democrats say:
“Lets tax those big evil oil companies and make them pay their fair share.” What I hear is: “Gasoline does not cost enough.”


For example, if person-x makes and sells popcorn, and the price of corn goes up, do the prices person-x charges for her product change? Does person-x simply say: “Will, I guess I will simply have to work for free now as the price of corn when up and now there is no money to pay my wages.” No, person-x either goes out of business or raises the price on her product and her customers pay the increase in the price of corn. Now if taxes go up on person-x instead of corn, the outcome is the same.


Thus, when Democrats say, “Let's stick it to the big rich corporations and increase their taxes”, they have to literally laugh their azzes off when the people respond: “Yeah, make those big corporations pay their fair share.” Such certainly makes me LMAO when I hear the sheep respond in such a manner. How uninspiring and sad.

Comment: #8
Posted by: SusansMirror
Sat Apr 16, 2011 9:03 AM
WHEW! I feel like someone opened the gates of hell a crack and all my hair got burned off! You and Mr. Wright are lred-hot mad. Me, I'm just seething with anger--not to the point explosion, yet. All I want is affordable healthcare for my son with Type 1 diabetes. Really. That's all I want. I don't even want it for me. I've lived 62 years and everything else is bonus time. But I don't want to die thinking the day may come when he can't afford his insulin and goes into a coma alone where nobody can take him to the ER. I'm still paying off his college loans, and so is he. And between the cost of his health insurance and his college loans, he's barely making ends meet. My point is, there are worse things than affirmative action to get mad about.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Laurie Craw
Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:34 PM
Mr Wright (or Wrong) and susan's so-called mirror fling themselves lemming-like off the right-wing crazy cliff again. Mr Wright complains about affirmative action and "anchor babies". But nowhere does he expound against the immorality of legacy babies who get a boost in the selection process because mommy & daddy are alumni with oodles of dough. Mirror adds this tidbit: "(A) warning to white males . . . You are going to be discriminated against by colleges and employers with the blessing of your government simply because you are white." What sheer and utter nonsense! Anyone in higher education will tell you that many top 100 liberal arts colleges (read: no football) are falling all over themselves to get men to enroll. Many of these schools are looking at a 60/40 split in their student body. It is no secret that a boy applying to, for example, Wesleyan, does NOT need to have as strong an application as his female peers.
Comment: #10
Posted by: cadbury
Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:43 AM
it has been posited that liberalism is not a philosophy but a mental disorder. That position is aptly demonstrated by the comments of Craw and not for the first time by cadbury. There is no group more obsessed with quotas than liberals. Quotas based on race, quotas based on gender, quotas based on age, quotas based on sexual orientation. Quota after quota after quota but none based on ability.
Why? Because liberals believe in equal outcome not equal opportunity. This is why it is liberals who are the most racist, sexist, ageist and any other "ist" that one cares to conjure up.
Cadbury presumes wrongly that I am in favour of any quota system or any system of favouritism (including his "legacy babies" straw man argument. I am not. The conservastive philosophy is equal opportunity for all. Cadbury,in unfailing liberal relativist terms, proves my point about liberals entirely. He does so by giving support and credence to a system of unequal opportunity for males at Wesleyan at the expense of perhaps more deserving females in order to acheive a predetermined 60/40 quota. Perhaps cadbury will explain to those females with better grades than males that they were refused a place sinply to satisfy some artificial quota. As to discrimination, perhaps cadbury would like to comment upon the policy of the current Justice Department under Holder, to wit, that in future justice will only be doled out to "Holder's people".
As to Craw, whenever one hears the cry "i just wasnt affordable healthcare" followed by anectdote what one is truly hearing is not a desire for affordablke healthcare at all, but a desire for healthcare to be paid for by someone indeed anyone other than the beneficiary of the care. However, if I have described Craw wrongly the solution sought by Craw is not the monstrosity known as Obamacare, for which waivers by the thousand have alredy been granted to Obama's union cronies because of the additional expense it will cause and which will per all credible studies increase the cost of healthcare, but in ridding the USA of this dishonest Administration and providing true competition acress Statelines, in tort reform, in personal health plans and the like. Craw is perhaps correct that there are more pressing things to get mad about now other than affirmnative action, the principal amongst them being the fact that we have an enemy of America sitting in the Oval Office who arrived there riding a wave of liberal insanity.
Comment: #11
Posted by: joseph wright
Mon Apr 18, 2011 5:45 AM
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