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GOP Over-coached and Over-careful

In the last debate before voters ruin things by actually voting, the candidates for the Republican nomination met in Sioux City, Iowa, Thursday night to thrash things out.

The media were hoping they would thrash each other.

But they simply gave viewers more of the same. And sometimes less. The top-tier candidates were over-coached and over-careful, painfully aware that the Iowa caucuses are less than three weeks away and voters — not just polls — may determine their future.

Mitt Romney did not really attack Newt Gingrich, and Newt did not really attack Mitt. Newt made one semi-droll remark about not wanting to appear "zany," something Romney had accused him of earlier in the week, but that's as far as it went.

The panel of Fox News moderators did its best to get sparks to fly, but they flew only from candidates who didn't care about setting themselves on fire.

"We are getting screwed as Americans!" said Jon Huntsman, using a word not heard that much in polite company in Iowa (and, perhaps, not anywhere else).

"The Speaker had his hand out to keep the scam going!" Michele Bachmann said of former House Speaker Gingrich and his lucrative contract with mortgage giant Freddie Mac.

"He personally issued gay marriage licenses!" Rick Santorum said of Romney.

Ron Paul's libertarianism — he believes in no government at most — appeals to some Republicans when it comes to domestic policy but often runs aground when it comes to foreign policy.

"We don't need another war!" Paul said, saying we should not attack Iran to prevent it from developing a nuclear weapon.

"With all due respect to Ron Paul, I have never heard a more dangerous foreign policy," Bachmann replied.

With all due respect.

Which is to say none at all.

For the most part, it was a debate of dribs and drabs, not punch and counter-punch. Romney saved his toughest lines for Barack Obama, not his Republican primary opponents.

Accusing Obama of "weakness and timidity," Romney said the president had a "foreign policy based on 'pretty please.'"

Both Romney and Gingrich made small slips, but none that is likely to alter the outcome of the Jan. 3 Iowa caucuses.

Romney praised his own cooperation with the "gun lobby" in Massachusetts, apparently believing that the gun lobby actually likes being referred to as the "gun lobby."

And Gingrich, apparently believing that there are no Jewish Republicans, or at least none that will vote for him, wished everybody a "Merry Christmas" but made no mention of other seasonal holidays.

The best comment of the day actually came before the debate, when Rick Perry told Fox News the real purpose that Iowa voters serve.

"They want to touch you, feel you and sniff on ya," Perry said.

The debates are done. Let the sniffing begin.

To find out more about Roger Simon, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.