Falling in Like With Mitt

Republicans fall in line, and Democrats fall in love. Thats how the old saying goes.

Three years ago, Democrats fell in love with Barack Obama. Today, after nine major Republican debates and before anyone has cast a single vote, Republicans seem poised to fall in line behind Mitt Romney.

And why shouldnt they? In debate after debate, he has proven himself to be the least bad candidate on the stage.

The candidates who surge after him, or even in front of him, in the polls always seems to come to a bad end.

Michele Bachmann? By the time reporters had learned how to spell her name correctly, she had disappeared from serious contention.

Rick Perry? Well, Texans understand brands. They burn them into cattle. And after the CNBC debate Wednesday night, when Perry was unable to remember his third talking point — hey, he got two out of three, cut him some slack! — he forever branded himself the Oops Candidate because oops is what he was forced to reply after racking his brain for an answer after several agonizing, live-TV seconds.

Herman Cain? Well, Cains problem can be summed up easily: Are the Republicans willing to nominate a candidate who almost certainly will lose to Obama next November? And are they willing to nominate a candidate who could bring down a few crucial GOP Senate and House candidates along with him?

The rest of the field is ... the rest of the field.

Newt Gingrich is extremely adept at demonstrating haughty disdain during these debates.

My colleagues have done a great job of answering an absurd question, he said with his patented drollery Wednesday night after the other candidates were asked about health care.

It got a laugh. But Marie Antoinette probably got a laugh after she (legend has it) said, Let them eat cake.  And all that got her was the guillotine.

Drollery, disdain and haughtiness are not usually what Americans end up looking for in a president. Likability is what they look for, and Gingrich radiates likability with all the power of a 25-watt bulb.

Cain was the likability candidate, but he ran into a funny thing on his way to the White House: his past.

No fewer than four women have accused him of sexual misbehavior, two of them publicly, and while in the past candidates like Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger rode out such accusations, Cain is no Clinton and no Schwarzenegger.

He is a former businessman and professional motivational speaker with a goofy 9-9-9 tax plan and more baggage than Samsonite.

But as soon as Cain wins a major caucus or primary, the Republican establishment will recoil in horror. The rank-and-file, the pooh-bahs, the big money guy and even some tea partiers are going to sit up and say: Whoa. This guy was good for a few laughs, but are we really going to put him up against Obama?

Sure, unemployment may stay high. Sure, the economy may stay lousy. But the Republicans are a risk-adverse party. The last time they took a real risk on a nominee was Barry Goldwater in 1964, and he lost to Lyndon Johnson by 22.6 percentage points.

No, the Republicans almost always nominate the next guy in line (George W. Bush was a legacy next guy in line), and Mitt Romney, by default, fills that bill.

Once again Wednesday, his debate performance was calm, dignified and always taking the correct Republican line.

Markets work, Romney said. When you have government play its heavy hand, markets blow up and people get hurt.

One could look at our most recent financial collapse and conclude the opposite: that markets dont work when greed and incompetence run rampant on Wall Street and the government does nothing to correct or contain that until complete ruin is at hand.

But that is not the Republican answer. And Romney always gets his answers correct. (Note to Rick Perry: Try writing the answers on your cuff. It probably worked in high school.)

Has Romney flip-flopped? You bet. But soon that will seem long ago and far away.

I'm a man of steadiness and constancy, Romney said during the debate, citing not his stand on the issues, but his 42 years of marriage, which resulted in five children, and his 24 years at Bain Capital, which resulted in his becoming filthy rich.

The Republicans dont have to fall in love with him. They just have to learn to live with him.

And what other choice do they have?

To find out more about Roger Simon, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.

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