Can the Butter Cow Save Obama?

I know what you are asking: Is the Barack Obama campaign really over?

Answer: maybe. He made a cataclysmic mistake this week, a rookie mistake, a mistake that will test his mettle as a candidate.

In a story published Wednesday in USA Today, reporter Jill Lawrence revealed that Obama recently urged a small-town crowd to grow their own fuel "right here in Illinois."

He was in Iowa.

But that was not the mistake. Presidential candidates often do not know where they are. This is why they have drivers.

The real mistake came in a later exchange with Lawrence, in which Obama had a chance to get his bearings and recover. Instead, he blew it. Here is how the exchange went:

Lawrence: "Is Iowa like Southern Illinois?"

Obama: "That's exactly right."

I know what you are asking: Isn't Iowa exactly like Southern Illinois?

No. And a presidential candidate should never, ever say one part of the country is "exactly" like another part of the country. It invites resentment from both places.

People in Golconda and Metropolis and Mounds are probably saying right now, "Does Obama really think we are exactly like a bunch of Iowans?"

And people in Clarinda and Decorah and Algona are probably saying, "Does Obama really think we are exactly like a bunch of Little Egyptians?" (Little Egypt is what Southern Illinois is called by people who know the difference between Southern Illinois and Iowa.)

I know what you are asking: What should Obama have said?

Here is how the exchange should have gone:

Lawrence: "Is Iowa like Southern Illinois?"

Obama: "Ha, ha, Jill, very funny. As you know, Jill, each place in America is unique with uniquely wonderful people. Iowa is unique and wonderful, and Southern Illinois is unique and wonderful. They are two different places, but each is unique. And wonderful."

Lawrence: "Have you been drinking ethanol?"

I know what you are asking: How can Obama recover?

He can go to the Iowa State Fair and eat stuff. Lots of stuff.

While the press has been going nuts over the Republican straw poll to be held in Ames, Iowa, on Aug. 11, the far more significant political event is the Iowa State Fair, to be held Aug. 9 to Aug. 19 in Des Moines.

The straw poll will attract 50,000 people at most, and they will show up only if bribed by the candidates with free food, drink, entertainment and tattoos. The state fair will attract around a million people, and nobody has to bribe them to attend.

And while the Ames straw poll has been held only four times in the past 30 years, this will be the 153rd year of the state fair.

At the state fair, candidates from both parties wander freely, talk to people, watch the hog calling, admire the needlepoint competition and, of course, view the Butter Cow.

I know what you are asking: What is the Butter Cow?

The Butter Cow is a cow carved out of 550 pounds of butter and kept in a refrigerated, glass-enclosed room in the Agriculture Building on the state fair grounds.

Long lines form to get in. In the past, there has also been a Butter Elvis and a Butter John Wayne. In 1999, I stood in line to see the Butter Last Supper, which, though featuring only eight of the 12 apostles, was still pretty extraordinary.

The Butter Cow remains the gold standard of dairy sculpture in America, however.

I know what you are asking: What is the significance of the Butter Cow?

To me, the Butter Cow is a metaphor for politics itself.

It is symbolic, yet concrete.

It is glorious, yet down-to-earth.

It is inspirational, yet ... buttery.

And what Barack Obama needs to do is go to the Iowa State Fair and say: "This is a unique and wonderful Butter Cow. And I am pleased to be here in Iowa, which is nothing like Southern Illinois. Though both places are unique. And wonderful."

Then he should eat something.

I know what you are asking: What should he eat?

Anything on a stick. When George Pataki, who was then the governor of New York, visited the Iowa State Fair last year, he said, "We have a great state fair in New York, but we don't have pork on a stick."

I know what you are asking: What else can I get on a stick in Iowa?

I know a straight line when I hear it, but food on a stick is no laughing matter in Iowa. So at the Iowa State Fair, Sen. Obama will be able to sample such stick delicacies as corn dogs, Cajun chicken, caramel apples, chili dogs, cotton candy, turkey drumsticks, nutty bars, chocolate cheesecake, hot bologna, chocolate-covered bananas, taffy, deep-fried pickles, deep-fried Twinkies, and deep-fried Snickers, meatballs, Ho Hos and fudge puppies.

I know what you are asking: deep-fried Twinkies?

What should they do, poach them? When Joe Lieberman went to the state fair, he avoided the many pork products because he is an Orthodox Jew, but he bought a fried Twinkie on a stick for $3 after his state director assured him it was kosher. "Delicious," Lieberman said after consuming it.

If he also ate a deep-fried Snickers and a deep-fried pickle, history does not record it.

I know what you are asking: Is there anything in Iowa they won't deep fry?

Not really. At the Iowa State Fair, if it doesn't move, they will deep fry it.

So final state fair advice for Obama and the other presidential candidates: Keep walking!

To find out more about Roger Simon, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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