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C-SPAN -- Not Your Average Cable News

Note to readers: The following Roger Simon column was first published in February 1997.

WASHINGTON — Nobody doesn't like Brian Lamb.

Brian Lamb is the founder, president and CEO of C-SPAN, which stands for Cable Shows Positively All Night.

If you have cable and are not a complete slug, you have probably seen C-SPAN, even if only while channel surfing. And if you have seen C-SPAN, you probably have seen Brian Lamb.

Lamb hosts a number of shows, answers the phones, polishes the lenses on the cameras, cleans up after the guests and, every 30 days, rotates the tires on the C-SPAN school bus.

There is one thing that Brian Lamb doesn't do. On the air, he never says, "This is Brian Lamb."

That's how you can tell it's C-SPAN. On other TV channels, you always have somebody with a major amount of hair saying, "This is Tab Whitlock with ActionNews Seven on Your Side at 10!"

The theory at C-SPAN is that the show is more important than the host. Even when the show is the House of Representatives or the Senate.

Every year, C-SPAN and C-SPAN2 transmit 17,520 hours of programming to millions of Americans. (C-SPAN carries the House, and C-SPAN2 carries the Senate, or maybe it's the other way around. Nobody knows for sure.)

C-SPAN was created in 1979 as a non-profit company (which is why Brian Lamb dresses like that) and is funded by the cable industry.

The reason so many people like C-SPAN is that it is totally neutral, showing public life as it is and letting everybody in America express an opinion.

For 15 years, C-SPAN grew and grew, and then, due to a series of dumb government moves, cable systems began dropping C-SPAN.

Sometimes, they dropped C-SPAN to carry an extra home-shopping channel. I am not sure if any of you watch a home-shopping channel. But, if you do, how many of them do you need? Two? Three? More? And do you need them so badly that you want to miss the best public affairs programming on television in order to get them?

The trend has continued. Since 1993, C-SPAN and C-SPAN2 lost 9.1 million viewers in 67 cable systems. According to the Associated Press, service has been restored to 3.2 million of those viewers, sometimes because of viewer protest.

Brian Lamb has made a speech on this subject and has written an article in the March issue of The Washington Monthly. "Apparently, C-SPAN's great mistake has been to attempt to serve the public without asking the government for either permission or money," he wrote.

All C-SPAN wants, Lamb went on, is no favors from government and no impediments either. In other words, he wants no more stupid rules that encourage people to buy junk jewelry rather than watch a law being made. No more stupid rules that allow cable operators to make oodles of money by dropping C-SPAN for other shows.

Which begs the question: Why does Congress keep making stupid rules that harm C-SPAN?

Well, maybe Congress doesn't want you to see how it makes laws. Maybe your elected representatives don't want you to see them jabber on the floor of the House or snooze on the floor of the Senate.

But don't you want to see that? I sure do.

OK, I know what you are saying. You are saying that because I occasionally appear on C-SPAN that I am writing this out of self-interest.

Well, let me tell you a little story: A few years ago, I was in the C-SPAN offices, waiting to go on the air, and looking for a place to hang my coat, I opened up what I thought was a closet door.

Inside was a tiny room with a bare cot, a 25-watt light bulb hanging from a wire and a case of Grape Nuts on the floor. I asked what the room was for.

"Oh," a staff member said, "that's where Brian lives."

Brian Lamb lives in a closet? I said.

"Yes," the staff member said, "he likes to be close by in case a tube burns out in the transmitter and he has to replace it. And he eats only Grape Nuts because, well, he spends all his extra money on coffee mugs for the guests."

I am not too proud to tell you that I wept like a baby.

And the next time I went on C-SPAN, I took a chocolate donut with me, and I put it on a plate, placed it on the floor outside that closet, rapped on the door and then quickly hid behind a file cabinet.

After a few moments, the door opened a crack, and a hand reached out, hesitated and then took the donut.

And now, each time I appear on C-SPAN, I bring a chocolate donut with me.

I bring a chocolate donut for a man who lives in a supply closet so fat-cat cable operators can drop C-SPAN and line their pockets with gold!

Don't let this happen in your city or your town! Write your cable operator today! You can find his address on the bill he sends you every month. And tell him: "If you ever drop C-SPAN, I am going to buy one of those satellite dishes and you'll never get a dime from me again!"

And if you get a chance, you could drop a letter to Brian Lamb and tell him how much he means to you.

And maybe you could include a chocolate donut.

To find out more about Roger Simon, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.