Alberto, Scooter and Paris -- Back Together Again

Democratic senators were itching this week to pass a resolution that states, "Attorney General Alberto Gonzales no longer holds the confidence of the Senate and the American People."

But when did he ever? Hold the confidence of the American people, I mean. Gonzales is just another cog in a vast patronage machine that we call the U.S. government.

George W. Bush never wanted Alberto Gonzales to become attorney general, anyway.

Bush wanted him on the Supreme Court, but conservatives were worried that Gonzales was squishy on abortion.

So Bush made him the nation's chief law enforcement officer to give him a little seasoning and let him show his stuff, the same way you might put a promising rookie in the minors before moving him up to the Big Leagues. (Bush was once managing partner of the Texas Rangers.)

Not that Gonzales was unqualified. He had a long career of service to George W. Bush, his most important conversations with Bush consisting of: "Yes," "Yes, sir," "Yes, governor, " and, "Yes, Mr. President."

And whatever Gonzales may have lacked in judgment, he made up for in zeal.

Bush responded in kind. He placed Gonzales beyond the range of criticism. Defending Gonzales on July 6, 2005, Bush said: "I don't like it when a friend gets criticized. I'm loyal to my friends. All of a sudden this fellow, who is a good public servant and a really fine person, is under fire. And so, do I like it? No, I don't like it, at all."

That was before the firing of seven U.S. attorneys hit the fan. But we are told that Gonzales still enjoys the full confidence of the president, even though Gonzales' involvement in the matter has mired him in one of the messiest potential scandals of the Bush presidency.

(Gonzales has admitted to CNN's Wolf Blitzer that three of his grandparents might have come to this country illegally. And you would think that would be enough to make liberals want more border security.)

Six Republican senators have called upon Gonzales to resign, but conservative columnist Robert Novak explains why this may be unlikely: "Beyond his affection for Gonzales, Bush is reported to fear a new attorney general could not be confirmed without pledging to name a special prosecutor to investigate the firing of U.S.

And Bush cannot afford any more special prosecutors, because he cannot afford any more Scooter Libbys.

The two cases, Gonzales and I. Lewis Libby Jr., are linked in a way. Libby is a felon of the Old School. As chief of staff to Vice President Cheney, Scooter believed in loyalty above all else. If you had to lie to protect the team, you lied. And if things didn't work out, those above you would be grateful and take care of you.

As if.

Scooter, sentenced to 30 months in prison for perjury, obstruction of justice and making false statements to federal investigators, is now waiting for a pardon that may never come.

President Bush has pardoned very few people during his years in office — by one estimate the lowest number of any president in the last 100 years — and he often follows Justice Department guidelines that state the felon must serve his term in prison, show remorse and wait five years before being pardoned.

But some members of the Old School are pressuring Bush to pardon Scooter so that lying-while-loyal remains the operative force in Washington politics. Because how can you run a government without that?

And we are seeing the Libby case affect the Gonzales case. Members of the Gonzales team see what happened to Scooter and say: "Hey, I'm going to rat. Or take the Fifth. Or both. I am not doing time to protect anybody."

Which is so New School.

(Gonzales has called the dismissal of the seven U.S. attorneys "an overblown personnel matter." But then Richard Nixon's press secretary Ron Ziegler called Watergate "a third-rate burglary attempt.")

We do not know with certainty what will happen to either Gonzales or Libby, but Libby's fate may be affected by recent events.

After all, he is guilty of four felonies, and Paris Hilton is doing time for driving on a suspended license. Does Scooter really deserve less time in the can than Paris? Just because he has friends in high places?

True, Bush does not like it when his friends are criticized and good public servants are under fire. He is a loyal guy, if he does say so himself.

But I am guessing he won't pardon Scooter. Bad for Bush's legacy and all that. But Bush will feel terrible about it. For several days.

To find out more about Roger Simon, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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