A Blast From the Junior High Past

Note: The following column was first published in November 2000.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The e-mail began just fine.

"I saw you on CSPAN this morning, (and) I think we were in the same seventh-grade homeroom at Blackhawk Junior High," the writer wrote.

I do, of course, remember attending Blackhawk Junior High, even though it was decades ago. I even remember its fight song. (I am not making this up.)

She wears a B for Blackhawk beauty.

She wears an L for loyalty.

She wears an A for her activities.

She wears a C for courtesy — for courtesy!

She wears a K for all her knockouts.

She wears an H for hitters, too.

She wears an AWK for the end of her name.

That's the kind of school I'm proud to go to, yessir!

That's the kind of school I'm proud to go to.

I find it odd that I, who am notorious among my friends for not being able to remember their names when introducing them to others (I tend to panic and draw a blank), can remember a dippy school fight song from the '60s.

But what can I tell you?

Anyway, the e-mail went on: "Our homeroom teacher was — I think — Mr. Keesling, a man who resembled an overweight ferret, as I remember. Our class also studied French and the "New Math."

I should have taken this as a warning sign. Our homeroom teacher, whose name was Keating, not Keesling, as I remember it (I know I said I can't remember the names of my friends, but I remember all the names of the teachers I liked) in no way resembled an overweight ferret.

He was, as I recall, neither overweight nor ferret-like. I also remember that he moonlighted as a store detective at a local department store, and it always gave us a huge kick to walk through the store on Saturdays and see our homeroom teacher pretending to be an ordinary shopper, while really he was looking for shoplifters.

In any case, Mr.

Keating taught neither French nor the New Math (I don't think the New Math had been invented yet, to tell you the truth), but history and civics.

He was an excellent history teacher, and I remember with crystal clarity that I once did a paper for him on George Washington Carver and all the nifty things he made from soybeans.

He also instilled in me my first interest in politics. It was an election year, and we were told to write letters to candidates and ask them to come and speak to the class.

I wrote to Daniel Ward, some guy who was running for state's attorney of Cook County, Ill. I have no idea why I picked Ward. Maybe I liked the way he looked (he didn't look like a ferret, either), but to my amazement, he showed up at school.

Why would a candidate waste his time talking with a bunch of seventh-graders? I don't know, but Ward talked to our class and made me (at least in my own mind) a hero for one day.

Ward, I am delighted to say, not only went on to win his race for state's attorney, but later became chief justice of the Illinois Supreme Court, no doubt because of his appearance at Blackhawk Junior High.

Did the e-mailer mention any of this? She did not. This is what she mentioned:

"Please don't take offense," she wrote. "I don't hold a grudge — but I really disliked you back then. If indeed you are the same person, you were very sarcastic & rude to me & made school a somewhat unpleasant place for me that year."

Sarcastic? Rude? Unpleasant?

Moi?

Which convinced me that this entire e-mail was a mistake and I could not be the person she was thinking of.

So if there is another Roger Simon out there who went to Blackhawk Junior High and who had Mr. Keating (or Keesling) as a home room teacher, and who was (or was not) sarcastic and rude ... I have an e-mail for you.

To find out more about Roger Simon and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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