Unclogging the Brain Drain

It's not possible in a weekly column with limited space to get to all that readers want me to cover.

In the interest of remaining current and draining the cranial swamp, here's a quick hit at some topics that may be dealt with at length in future columns:

—READY FOR HER CLOSE-UP: It pays to keep your day job. After losing the vice presidential race, Sarah Palin returned to work as Alaska's part-time governor. It didn't take her long to hit the campaign trail again, this time with an eye toward 2012. She has become much more media savvy since the McCain campaign intentionally distanced her from the press. Incredibly, Palin held a news conference at the national GOP governors meeting in Miami.

Palin used this setting to again respond to anonymous critics within the McCain-Palin campaign. Unidentified sources told Fox News, our very own state-sponsored media outlet, that Palin was a world-class clotheshorse whose ACT score was her shoe size. What was unbelievable wasn't what was said but how quickly the Republicans turned on their own, the first woman they've nominated for vice president.

Palin called her critics "jerks" and claimed her grasp of world geography is firm. But her appearance in Miami at the Republican Governors Association meeting proved she remains clueless about politics. Republicans met there to assess the casualties of the election and to focus on the party's future. Palin proved she is stuck in a time warp when she recited stale campaign rhetoric and kept beating that dead horse Joe the Plumber.

While the press paid attention to Palin, most of her fellow Republicans were wooing two men, one or both of whom will represent the face(s) of the Republican makeover. The future looks bright for Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal.

Advice for Palin: Get out of partisan politics after 2010, if not sooner. Get a "700 Club"-style ratings share. Forget Tina Fey. Think Tammy Faye. Why be a pit bull in lipstick when you can become Pat Robertson in drag? Power, money and a new wardrobe!

—DARTH AND BIDEN: During the presidential campaign, Sen. Joe Biden called Vice President Dick Cheney's expansion of vice presidential duties "dangerous." Biden, considered a constitutional scholar, suggested that Cheney needed remedial lessons on Article I of the Constitution.

All animosity ceased when the Cheneys hosted veep-elect Biden and his wife, Jill, at their home.

—THE AUDACITY OF DOPES: The October surprise came a month late. It turned out to be the fine print attached to the $700 billion bailout/rescue package. It was supposed to be a bipartisan compromise to the original no-oversight plan that Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and President George W. Bush tried to rush through Congress.

Forget all that. Now what we have is a Patriot Act for Wall Street.

The Patriot Act, the sweeping post-9/11 legislation that became law, passed easily because panicked lawmakers signed it but didn't read the small print about civil liberties. Although lawmakers had more time to read the bailout they passed, it's clear that many of them failed to do so. Both John McCain and Barack Obama signed on.

Lawmakers now decry the plan's obvious lack of oversight provisions. They question whether U.S. automakers qualify for a bailout along with financial institutions. They wonder when the greenbacks will trickle down to Main Street. They are miffed that big spenders, such as AIG, accepted a taxpayer lifeline without any sign of contrition.

All nationalizing the banks did was make us a bunch of self-loathing socialists who somehow created a new generation of Wall Street welfare queens. With so many lawyers in Congress, how could this important contract with America be so flawed? We were suckered by Paulson and Bush. P.T. Barnum was right.

—PROP. 8: If I've said it once, I've said it a million times. The United States is not a theocracy. Yet this country continues to deny homosexuals equal rights and protection under the same Constitution that provides and protects liberties for heterosexuals, the undecided and 40-year-old virgins. But what do I know? I'm still waiting for the Equal Rights Amendment. Want to defend marriage? Try monogamy.

—BAGHDAD JOE TO GO: Democrats need to realize that Sen. Joe Lieberman is not worth the upkeep. He and the GOP deserve each other.

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman (RCLCreators@kc.rr.com) is a contributing editor to The Kansas City Star. To find out more about Rhonda Chriss Lokeman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.