Not-Ready-for-Prime-Time Players

Not all television writers went on strike. That was evident while viewing the well-scripted and rehearsed Democratic presidential debate in Las Vegas.

Hillary and Barack were at neighboring lecterns, of course. This kept viewers from getting whiplash watching Obama get hot under the collar and Clinton suck on that same old lemon. This staging also enabled photographers to get tight shots of the front-runners. However, there were cameo appearances by John Edwards, Sen. Joe Biden, Rep. Dennis Kucinich, Gov. Bill Richardson and a Spanish-speaking gringo who looked like Sen. Chris Dodd.

Speaking of The Others, Dennis Kucinich may as well have been invisible. He begged to be heard. Remember the Whos the elephant Horton hears in Dr. Seuss' children's book? Instead of shouting, "We're here, we're here,'' Kucinich yelled to Wolf Blitzer, "Hello? Hello?'' Not their finest hour.

At times, it was hard to tell what you were watching. Any moment you expected NBC anchor Brian Williams to announce, "Live from Vegas, it's 'Saturday Night'!'' Sorry, wrong network.

Was I the only one hoping the Flying Elvises would drop in? Or that the stage would tilt on hydraulics like those Cirque du Soleil shows? More people might have tuned in had the candidates defied gravity with pulleys while asked to choose between human rights and national security.

Was CNN airing a presidential debate or "Deal or No Deal"? Hard to tell with Blitzer insisting on yes-or-no answers to questions warranting clarity.

Our domestic and foreign policies are a mess because the Bush administration sees things only as black or white. It was good to hear some discourse from the Democrats about the gray areas. Problem is, they kept getting cut off mid-sentence.

This wasn't a debate, it was "Talk Soup," a mix of reality programming and game shows. It was "The Next Iron Chef'' meets "Survivor'' meets "America's Next Top Model'' meets "The Amazing Race'' meets "Beauty and the Geek'' meets "Dancing With the Stars.''

Speaking of "Survivor,'' all candidates who said they would choose human rights over national security are hereby voted off the island.

Dumb answer to a stupid question.

New Mexico's Gov. Bill Richardson again had to remind folks who he is and why he was there. He can't get no respect at these debates. Like ex-President Bill Clinton, Richardson also has been asked diplomatic favors from President Bush. Nobody notices; nobody cares. Woe is he. At least he has a sense of humor.

Sen. Joe Biden bit his tongue a lot in Vegas and offered lessons on the Patriot Act and constitutional law instead. Biden, the best in show, was also the most responsive debater. He resisted misdirection by CNN reporters looking for sound bites.

Consider: A woman from the audience asked candidates to name the qualities each would want in a Supreme Court justice. Before anyone could respond, a CNN reporter spun the question into a referendum on Roe v. Wade. Pro-choice Biden addressed the first question and then the second. It was the first time someone on stage actually acted as if he or she was listening and paying attention, not reading from cue cards.

Liberal filmmaker Michael Moore took aim at insurers and the health care industry in "Sicko,'' which also criticized Hillary Clinton for being duplicitous on health care. John Edwards needn't refer to any Republican playbook, as Clinton alleged. He should have just held up the DVD. But Clinton would have considered that mudslinging. Maybe next time, she should wear a poncho over her asbestos pantsuit.

When her Democratic rivals brought up her voting record, including votes that furthered the Bush-Cheney agenda, Clinton called these personal attacks.

But what was more personal than when Clinton responded to a gender question from the only woman on the CNN panel with the dismissive, "Campbell''? Now what if one of the boys had done that?

Methinks the lady protests too much. Oddly, it's working.

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman (lokeman@kcstar.com) is a columnist for The Kansas City Star. To find out more about Rhonda Chriss Lokeman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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