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Little Women

Madam President: Welcome to our monthly meeting of The Confederacy of Daughters of Conservative Causes. A special welcome to our newest members, who are helping us get John McCain elected because Hillary Rodham Clinton lost the delegate count to Barack Hussein Obama. Hester, please summarize from the minutes of the last meeting.

Hester P.: Yes, ma'am. Last month, we agreed to condemn liberal Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, who …

Madam President: Wait, I see a new member has a question.

Geraldine F.: We're going after her because she backed Obama, not Hillary, right?

Madam President: Yes. That and her support for abortion rights. Her own archbishop urged her to not accept Holy Communion.

Geraldine F.: Hold it! She hadn't performed abortions. She's governor, so she has to uphold the laws, in this case Roe v. Wade, until they're overturned.

Madam President: All the more reason we need to support only candidates who will obey divine laws, not man's laws. God forbid Hussein picks her for his vice president. Hester?

Hester P.: We agreed to oppose universal health care for the unfair burden it puts on taxpayers — aka "hard-working white Americans" — forced to subsidize insurance for others, whose unhealthy lifestyles lead to obesity, heart disease, high prescription drug use and workplace absenteeism.

Gloria S.: Sorry to interrupt, but did she just say universal health care burdens the healthy and wealthy?

Madam President: Not only that, it's socialist medicine! We'd become Cuba!

Gloria S.: You mean socialized medicine.

Madam President: Whatever. Hester?

Hester P.: Yes, ma'am. We agreed to support John McCain's vision of another hundred years in Iraq because that will keep us free at home and keep the terrorists from attacking us again on our soil. We strongly support this Phase III of the notable success of our President Bush and the wisdom of wise women like Condi Rice, who warned us early on about Saddam and his mushroom cloud.

Emily L.: I know I'm new here, but you can't be serious.

Madam President: Oh, but we are, dear.

Remember, your Hillary was for the war, and Hussein Obama never was.

Emily L.: Yes, but now she wants out.

Madam President: It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind, except in times of war, dear. We're so glad you're here with us. Hester?

Hester P.: Yes, ma'am. We agreed by unanimous consent to urge public libraries and schools to pull Scott McClellan's book from the shelves and affix a warning label so that readers would be aware of the vicious smears on this great presidency and attacks on patriots, like Karl Rove, Scooter Libby and Vice President Dick Cheney.

Geraldine F.: OK, so you want to ban McClellan's book, too? Why not just burn it for old times' sake?

Hester P.: We would've, except Mr. McCain believes global warming is real. We didn't want to contribute to more greenhouse gases. The biased press would have a field day with that one.

Madam President: That book is not a slice of history; it deserves to be sliced and diced and shredded! We can't have our young people reading that rubbish and believing they have a choice between serving at the pleasure of the president or the Constitution.

Emily L.: Loyalty at all costs? Even if the president says, after all these years and some 4,000 dead troops, it was worth it?

Madam President: What price tag would you put on freedom, my dear? Speaking of the price of loyalty, our treasurer, Ann C., will make sure you new members get your donor cards so you may begin transferring your funds from the DNC to the RNC ASAP. Hester?

Hester P.: Yes, sorry, ma'am. OK, last time we agreed to back lawmakers opposed to activist judges, the United Nations, Bill of Rights, SCHIP funding, equal rights under the law, separation of church and state, habeas corpus, Miranda rights, the Geneva Conventions …

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman (RCLCreators@kc.rr.com) is a contributing editor to The Kansas City Star. To find out more about Rhonda Chriss Lokeman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.