Enough With the Clintons Already

I'm tired of the Clintons, the whole calculating clan. Tired of their dirty tricks, smirks, trickery, scandals and apologies. I want them to go away. Truly, I do.

The Clintons like to have it both ways. They want credit for being for and against the same issue, for example, Bush's war in Iraq. They tout universal health care, hoping voters won't notice Hillary's duplicity and coziness with the health care lobby. Filmmaker Michael Moore busted them in his film "Sicko."

The film, which mostly assailed the Bush administration over health care, depicted Hillary Clinton as Bush Lite. Check her voting record on other issues, and you'll find that Moore wasn't too far off the mark.

The Clintons stretch the truth when it suits them, such as when the two-term first couple tout Hillary's "35 years' experience" among her qualifications for president.

I've had enough of what Molly Ivins used to call Hillary's "clever little dodges." Hillary totally ripped off Barack Obama's "change" mantra when she saw that it worked for him. And friends of Bill's, such as Hillary backers Andrew Young and Bob Kerrey, have joined the whispering campaign against Barack Obama. Remember how the loyal Bushies did the same thing with John McCain in South Carolina and Ann Richards in Texas?

Gotta admit that when Hill is good, she's good, and when she's bad, she's not any better. She can spin with the best of them. The Clinton machine keeps spitting out new Hillarys with each campaign stop.

On the road to Iowa, voters met Butch Hillary, Femme Hillary, Cleavage Hillary, Soft Hillary, Daughter Hillary and Bill's Wife. After independent women and younger voters placed her third in the Iowa caucus, she reinvented again. In New Hampshire, we just might see Cashmere Mafia Hillary sipping cosmos.

The Clintons may darn well be politically bipolar. Every move is calculated, down to their fake smooches and matching green scarves in Iowa.

Everyone knows Bill owes her for publicly humiliating her over Monica.

I'd rather see House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wait her turn, once Congress finally grows some and impeaches Bush-Cheney. Pelosi is experienced and ready to lead. But like Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, the problem is getting divided Democrats to follow.

Molly Ivins, who died a year ago this month, declared Hillary untrustworthy and unworthy of the top slot. "There are times a country is so tired of bull that only the truth can provide relief," she wrote in 2006. Hillary's experience comes down to what Ivins called "triangulation, calculation and equivocation." She has yet to prove Molly wrong. Despite denials, she would become Bush Lite.

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm tired of little Chelsea, too.

All grown up now, the former first daughter was brought in to make her mother seem kinder and gentler. So Chelsea stands there and waves, as Mommy Dearest works the crowd and Daddy bites his lower lip.

In a shameless act of desperation, they recruited Grandma Rodham into the act. Honestly, would you hire someone for a job because her mommy asked you to? Grandma, like Chelsea, came in to help Hillary match girl power with Obama's star power; Oprah came to stump for him.

Then the Clinton machine set up a Web site called "The Hillary I Know," featuring testimonials from women in her life. That just made her seem stranger and more desperate.

On the campaign trail that led to Iowa, Hillary reinvented herself more times and in less time than Madonna. By the time she reaches California, she'll be the Queen of Green. Whatever it takes, she's in to win.

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman (lokeman@kcstar.com) is a columnist for The Kansas City Star. To find out more about Rhonda Chriss Lokeman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.