Falafel and Lions and Syria … Oh My!

A day never passes when an Arab doesn't complain about Israel. Of course, a day never passes when an Israeli doesn't complain about the Arabs, either.

The complaints vary widely and cover everything from stealing food to violence. A common complaint is that Israel stole the falafel. Maybe. Israel has stolen lands belonging to Palestinians. But can you really steal food?

I read recently where an Israeli official countered: Did Israel also steal Italian food? Another Palestinian activist said he snickers whenever he sees a sign boasting of "Israeli falafel."

In fairness, though, Israelis don't go around bragging "Try our Israeli spaghetti" the way Israelis promote "Israeli falafel."

But to be even fairer — is that allowed in the Arab-Israeli conflict? — many Israeli Jews are from Arab countries (Sephardic) and have been making falafel and other food delicacies for centuries, too.

If this were just about the battle of who controls food, it might be funny. But that's not the case. What's not so funny, though, is how, when pushed against the wall, Arab dictators quickly start to sound like the Israelis they often frequently denounce.

For example, I recall the first time I ever heard the phrase "iron fist" — it was used by then-General Yitzhak Rabin. He vowed to break the arms of Palestinian protestors during the First Intifada.

Last week, I heard Syria's strongman Bashar al-Assad, whose last name means "Lion" in Arabic, vow to crush the pro-Democracy protesters with an iron fist.

I didn't hear a lot of Arabs complaining about that. In fact, many Arabs are cheering Assad, the feeble-voiced eye doctor, with their usual double vision and hypocrisy.

Assad's army is also firing rubber bullets at protesters. I thought rubber bullets were an Israeli invention.

Next thing you know, Assad will probably be declaring in typical Arab world bluster that if the protesters don't shut up and accept their restrictive, un-free lives, that he will "drive them into the sea."

Or he might start building a 28-foot-tall concrete wall around the most disruptive Arab areas where protesters have been most active. Assad will probably also call the wall a "fence," too, to soften the political impact.

If there are any Jews left in Syria, Assad could have them build the "Oppression Wall" the way Israel has Arabs building their wall — er, fence ...

er, barrier ... er ... whatever!

Maybe the United Nations will find a few moments to organize a UN inquiry into the Syrian uprising. They could have some renowned Arab jurist as its lead author outline the war crimes that Assad is engaging in as he orders his tanks and planes to fire missiles on civilians.

That is a war crime, isn't it? (There's even a debate on that in the Arab-Israeli conflict. When is killing a civilian a war crime?)

Of course, there is a long list of things the UN could do but doesn't. It could order similar inquiries into the brutal oppression against protesters in Egypt, Bahrain, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Yemen and, well, let's name every one of the 22 Arab countries.

If they find an Arab to lead the inquiries, maybe they can convince former jurist Richard Goldstone to do it. He could follow up on the Gaza war report he did in 2009. We could have the Goldstone Report Part II: Syria. And the Goldstone Report Part III: Egypt. And the Goldstone Report Part IV: Saudi Arabia.

It could become an encyclopedia of alleged oppression, easily a 22-volume set.

Oy vey! There are so many crimes being committed against civilians in the Arab world that it would all become a blur. Or maybe the blur of oppression might be given a formal name. We can just call it the "Arab League."

This fog of conflict in the Arab World is actually very easy to see.

In fact, although the Arab World claims ownership of falafel, there is one dish that it serves often that it didn't invent but it could just as easily claim ownership.

That dish is called hypocrisy.

Arabs are always pointing to Israel and claiming they are hypocrites. They might be. But I don't hear the Arabs screaming that Israel "stole" the "hypocrisy" from the Arab World the way they scream that Israel "stole" their falafel, or the way they close their eyes to brutality in the Arab World but have 20/20 vision when it involves Israeli brutality.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying Israel is any kind of angel in this whole mess. I mean, when Israel announced last week that it would take in Syrian protesters and refugees, that sounded a little shallow, considering Israel refuses to take in Palestinian refugees from 1948 and 1967 and refuses to recognize Arabs as citizens who marry Israelis.

But I am saying that the very Arab critics pointing fingers at Israel are doing the exact same thing that they claim Israel has done.

Syria's Assad says the heart of the issue is that Syria has been the champion of Arab nationalism and the Palestinian cause. Is the Assad regime really the champion of the Palestinian cause when it oppresses its own people? How can it be?

Ray Hanania is an award-winning Palestinian American columnist. To find out more about Ray Hanania and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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