Cyber Wars Could Be Better Than Rubber Bullets

I quickly took notice when it was reported that someone, possibly Saudi computer geeks, had broken into the Israeli banking system to steal Israeli credit card numbers. Deputy Foreign Minister Danny Ayalon (he's the smart one) vowed to avenge the "terrorist act" by "Saudi terrorists."

Ayalon may have exaggerated the extent of the theft, though. Chances are the majority of the stolen credit cards belong to "Israelis" who are actually living in the United States. But knowing how tough the Israelis are on violence — and on Arab members of the Knesset who think they have free speech without consequences — I fully expected Israel to launch an retaliatory cyber-strike against the Saudis.

So did the Saudis; they quickly announced that due to fears Israel would to act on its threats, planned reforms giving women the right to vote were being suspended. I think one of the Saudi Sheiks huffed at Ayalon's threats, declaring, "We don't need credit cards. Why would we steal them when we own everything already?"

Iran's mercurial president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, didn't want to miss an opportunity to jump into the pool of another international incident. He issued a fatwa declaring Israel and the Saudis "Great Satans" because apparently, in Iran, the only people who have credit cards are the infidels and wealthy mullahs who wear religious garb in public but are the first in the line at Dubai's international airport changing rooms to shed their veils and their holier-than-thou attitudes.

Feeling left out of the international crisis (again), Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas announced that one of the credit card numbers stolen was actually his.

He hinted through advisors that he suspected the cyber-theft was actually an Israeli inside job aimed at covering up the poisoning of the late PLO chairman Yasser Arafat.

Hamas Chief Ismail Haniyeh, not wanting Abbas to one-up him on leadership, was quick to respond to a question about the credit card crisis from burka-clad and nikab-veiled Arab journalists in the Gaza Strip: "We refuse to renounce our refusal to recognize the Zionist entity, compromise on land or give up on our demand for control of al-Quds — not the newspaper, of course; I'm talking about the city!"

Ayalon's threats should not be taken lightly, though. It's very possible that the Mossad will organize a hit squad made up of their top agents. I imagine they'll all be dressed to the nines in Prada, carrying Louis Vuitton purses, with dresses by Donatella Versace and ruby-red lipstick named after Ehud Barak.

I always wondered after Barak led that assault on Beirut so many years ago why he didn't do a Paul Newman. Newman launched a very successful salad dressing brand. Barak could have launched a whole clothing line and put new meaning behind the phrase "dressed to kill."

When they go to purchase the disguises for the Mossad hit squad, there is a slim possibility their credit cards will be declined. Hmmm. This credit card war could cause a major international scandal.

Of course, there is a silver lining in all of this. When we have our international leaders screaming about credit cards and cyber-war, that means they're not firing real weapons at each other. In the Middle East, that could be a good thing.

Ray Hanania is an award-winning Palestinian American columnist. To find out more about Ray Hanania and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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