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Phil Lucas
Phil Lucas
5 Jan 2008
Miss Kitty, Can You Spare a Dime?

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Another Shocking Development

Comment

You will notice the foul-mouthed shock jocks are not from the South.

Let us have a moment of silence for gloating.

Yankees.

That's what we get for losing the War of Northern Aggression.

Our navel-gazing media, ever in search of victims, shines the light of narcissism upon the great questions of our day, brought to you by cat food and lipstick makers.

Meanwhile, the national rape continues unavenged. The crime of the century eludes the media of the minute.

While we are momentarily consumed by name-calling, which happens to be a hobby of mine, let me share a few.

Let us start with the yellow-bellied, lily-livered, nappy-chinned toadstools of the Federal Reserve. Simmering cesspools of suffering succotash. Rhubarbs. Shiitakes. That is a mushroom. The word always seemed vaguely suspicious. I get hungry just thinking about it.

Excuse me while I order a large, three-topping pizza — sausage, mushrooms, Prozac — and a side of suds.

There, that's better.

Let's see if I can back up those horrible, vegan names.

As we know, the Fed burns up the presses and adds zeroes to computer entries to balloon the supply of money. M3 and M2, measures of money, get weekly Botox injections.

The last week of March, the Fed pumped $38.9 billion into M2. That's $130 for every man, woman and child in the country. In a week!

What does it mean?

It means the price of Easter eggs rose 25 percent from a year ago.

You may have noticed your family did not get that $130 apiece, or any money the other 51 weeks of the year. The government got it. The Fed created the money. Congress blew it.

But you will get something out of it. You will pay the higher prices guaranteed by a counterfeit fiat currency.

And the Fed, which I so maligned above, says inflation is 2.4 percent.

While every ghetto kid, minimum wage dishwasher, college student, single mom and aging widow, all the people who so tug at the heartstrings of our caring leaders, got mugged by their government for $130 in a single week, the press was in hot pursuit of celebrity paternity and potty-mouths.

Meanwhile, in the U.S.

Senate, Charles Schumer, the regressive-progressive rhubarb from New York, proposed a bailout of the mortgage fiasco, the latest economic crisis caused by Congress and its Fed bankers.

He wants to give your money to the saps who got mortgages they could not afford. This will grease the skids for the banks, lenders and investors, in other words, Wall Street, the Ponzi schemers who collected the massive fees and interest on those mortgages.

Schumer said, "It makes good economic sense."

Chuck got an A in the government's official Whacko-Macro Econ 101 course developed by Al Capone and required by every economics program in the country.

This is the one where you learn to worship the government, steal the dough, and, if you come up short for champagne and chicks, print up whatever else you need.

That's what it will take for Schumer's "good economics." A. He will confiscate the money from you and/or B. He will print money and cause all your costs to rise.

Chuck knows you have all the money you need. You scatter cash like confetti from street corners. You drive a Ferrari to your third home in the mountains like a U.S. senator. If steak goes to $20 a pound, what do you care? You can eat cat food from China at a mere $10 a pound.

Then the Fed, in its shameful "substitution" calculation, which miraculously keeps inflation low, can say the price of food has not gone up.

Don't you love this economics stuff? It's so easy.

Phil Lucas is executive editor of The News Herald in Panama City, Fla. Contact him at plucas@pcnh.com. To find out more about Lucas and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2007 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.



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