From the Media Past, a Loud Echo of TV Invective

One of the more freewheeling aspects of the cable news channels these days is the inclination of some soapboxing program hosts to target the opinionated personalities on other networks. So, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann takes some well-aimed shots at Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, who is pleased to turn his factually challenged fire on CNN. And so it goes — often, in the case of O'Reilly, with absurd distortions in the process.

Anyone who thinks this kind of thing is an original innovation of cable television might want to take a look at a short story that Mark Twain wrote about 140 years ago. It's titled "Journalism In Tennessee," and the plot revolves around the in-print proclivities of a newspaper called the Morning Glory and Johnson County War-Whoop.

The story goes that an apprentice drafts an article — and then the chief editor of the newspaper rewrites the material to suit the paper's editorial standards. Here are some excerpts, with the apprentice's attempts at civil journalism followed by the top editor's rewrite:

— "The editors of the Semi-Weekly Earthquake evidently labor under a misapprehension with regard to the Ballyhack railroad. It is not the object of the company to leave Buzzardville off to one side. On the contrary, they consider it one of the most important points along the line, and consequently can have no desire to slight it. The gentlemen of the Earthquake will, of course, take pleasure in making the correction."

"The inveterate liars of the Semi-Weekly Earthquake are evidently endeavoring to palm off upon a noble and chivalrous people another of their vile and brutal falsehoods with regard to that most glorious conception of the nineteenth century, the Ballyhack railroad. The idea that Buzzardville was to be left off at one side originated in their own fulsome brains — or rather in the settlings which they regard as brains. They had better swallow this lie if they want to save their abandoned reptile carcasses the cowhiding they so richly deserve."

— "John W. Blossom, Esq., the able editor of the Higginsville Thunderbolt and Battle Cry of Freedom, arrived in the city yesterday.

He is stopping at the Van Buren House."

"That ass, Blossom, of the Higginsville Thunderbolt and Battle Cry of Freedom, is down here again sponging at the Van Buren."

— "We observe that our contemporary of the Mud Springs Morning Howl has fallen into the error of supposing that the election of Van Werter is not an established fact, but he will have discovered his mistake before this reminder reaches him, no doubt. He was doubtless misled by incomplete election returns."

"We observe that the besotted blackguard of the Mud Springs Morning Howl is giving out, with his usual propensity for lying, that Van Werter is not elected. The heaven-born mission of journalism is to disseminate truth; to eradicate error; to educate, refine, and elevate the tone of public morals and manners, and make all men more gentle, more virtuous, more charitable, and in all ways better, and holier, and happier; and yet this black-hearted scoundrel degrades his great office persistently to the dissemination of falsehood, calumny, vituperation, and vulgarity."

— "It is pleasant to note that the city of Blathersville is endeavoring to contract with some New York gentlemen to pave its well-nigh impassable streets with the Nicholson pavement. The Daily Hurrah urges the measure with ability, and seems confident of ultimate success."

"Blathersville wants a Nicholson pavement — it wants a jail and a poorhouse more. The idea of a pavement in a one-horse town composed of two gin-mills, a blacksmith shop, and that mustard-plaster of a newspaper, the Daily Hurrah! The crawling insect, Buckner, who edits the Hurrah, is braying about his business with his customary imbecility, and imagining that he is talking sense."

As he sometimes almost acknowledged with a twinkle in his inkpot, Mark Twain was prone to exaggeration. But he had plenty of newspaper experience, and we can assume that his short story captured the gist of the era's journalistic spirit on the westward frontiers. And if we imagine Twain watching basic cable in 2008, it's not difficult to guess what kind of stories present-day television would inspire.

Norman Solomon's is the author of "Made Love, Got War: Close Encounters with America's Warfare State." For information about Norman Solomon, go to www.normansolomon.com, or visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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