Molly Ivins September 28

AUSTIN, Texas — Here's a story for all you nonvoters who won't have anything to do with politics because it doesn't make any difference to you who wins.

A few weeks ago, I lost my prescription sunglasses. Can't do without 'em in Texas. I went out to the jiffy optical place to order a new pair. Nope, they said, no can do — the prescription for your eyeglasses is too old.

I see just fine with the glasses I have now, but it had been in the neighborhood of five years since I'd last had my eyes checked, so whatthehey, I toddle off for an eye exam. Turns out that no change in the prescription is needed, so they ask why I came in. Oh yeah, reports the ophthalmologist, they passed a new law: You can't get glasses made on any prescription that's more than a year old.

I have to admit, that little piece of special interest legislation went right by me. I don't even want to think about the lobbying on that one, but rest assured that our legislators did this for our own good, because we should have annual eye exams even if we're seeing fine, and you can bet that the campaign contributions track so well on this one that we can see 'em without glasses.

So I'm out 110 bucks even before paying for new glasses. I look forward to a frequent reoccurrence of this happy event, since I either lose a pair or the dog chews one up at least once a year. Even if you have health insurance, yours may not cover the standard eye exam unless you've purchased separate vision insurance.

The moral of this story is: Don't sit on your glasses, and don't sit on your duff come election time — find a candidate in favor of campaign-finance reform.

Further evidence of the wisdom of this excellent advice: Our fearless Republican leaders in Washington were wanting to give us a $792 billion tax break. Actually, they wanted to give the $792 billion to rich people and to a whole lot of special interests that give big campaign contributions.

They seem to have forgotten that there's more than one way to take the burden off the shoulders of taxpayers. For example, we could charge the oil companies the going market price for drilling on federal land, which happens to be owned by you and me. Instead, we let the oil companies set their own payment for drilling on our land.

Is that a sweet deal or what?

According to a former oil-company executive who testified before Congress on this, the companies always set that payment $4 to $5 per barrel below market. Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt has been trying to get this changed, but Babbitt doesn't make big campaign contributions. Our own Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, whose campaign contributions from oil companies in the past five years total $1.2 million, has successfully fended off Babbitt by passing midnight riders on appropriations bills to stop any change in this sweetheart deal.

Last week, the Senate — despite a noble effort at filibuster by Barbara Boxer of California — passed Kay Bailey's rider yet again by a vote of 51-47. Sen. Russ Feingold of Wisconsin, who does favor campaign-finance reform, stood there and read aloud the oil company contributions to various senators before the vote, and you should have heard them howl. How dare Feingold suggest their votes are for sale, uncollegial conduct, bad taste, you're a fink, Russ, etc.

These honorable members felt that Feingold should be ashamed of himself for doing such a tacky thing. This bunch clearly knows dog about shame, so I suggest that Feingold pay them no attention.

And speaking of the honorable members of Congress, I trust it did not escape your attention that they have once again given themselves a raise: $4,600, on top of the $3,100 cost-of-living "adjustment" they got last year. They are at $141,000 a year, putting them in the top 5 percent of all earners, not counting their almost free health care, haircuts, etc. But you'll be happy to know that they're still whining about the cost of maintaining two homes, the cost of living in D.C., etc. Before you waste any sympathy on them, check out how many of them took their spouses to the Paris air show at our expense or went to "fact-finding" golf tournaments at lobbyists' expense.

On the theory that gritching alone will not improve anything, here's a positive suggestion for world betterment: I move that we pay members of Congress precisely the median wage in this country. Fifty percent of Americans will earn more than they do, 50 percent less. The median goes up, they get a raise. What could be fairer? Median is currently a little under $50K for a family of four. Welcome to the real word, honorable members.

In closing, may I say I am heartbroken to hear that my man Dan Quayl is dropping out of the race for presadent.

Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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