Molly Ivins November 7

AUSTIN, Texas — Can we talk? About football and prayer. This is not an opinion column because there's something here I can't make up my mind about, and I'd really like to have a discussion. I'd appreciate some input on this, especially from members of the clergy.

Now, the constitutional issue is one thing. The Constitution is pretty clear on religion: It's the first thing in the Bill of Rights. The government in this country cannot interfere with the free exercise of religion. We have an absolute right to worship as we please, or not worship at all, if we choose. This right is so solid that it has long been held to cover what most of us would consider some pretty offbeat varieties of religion.

But what they call the Establishment Clause of the Constitution is a two-parter. And the very first part says, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." In other words, they can't force it down our throats in any way — can't use tax money to promote religion.

We all know the background on this: early Americans fleeing religious persecution, the Baptists a despised minority, Protestants being slaughtered in France, and so forth. So the Framers set up a system where government pretty much can't do jack about religion. The saying is that this country was founded by geniuses so it could be run by idiots (and it often seems we've reached that pass).

Looking around the world at countries like Iran and Afghanistan, where government and religion are hopelessly intermixed, it's more clear than ever that the Framers were right. I suppose there's room for debate on how strictly we need to interpret what "an establishment of religion" means, but I want to talk about something other than the constitutional issue here — except I don't know how to name it. Maybe it's a question of — taste?

Has it occurred to anyone else that there's a problem with ... uh ... the appropriateness of prayer before football games?

I am a Christian, and I am a football fan. Hey, I'm a Texan, and we're all the products of our culture. I yield to no one in my regard for the game of football. If I had used all the time I've spent screaming at football games in some productive endeavor — say, studying the Turkish language — I might be a world-renowned scholar by now. But I don't regret a minute of it.

However, I do wonder if praying before a football game isn't sort of insulting to the Lord; somewhere between lese-majeste and blasphemy. God may care about every little sparrow that falls, but I don't see why we should expect him to care about whether the Panthers beat the Tigers or the Ducks beat the Fighting Sand Crabs.

You may say that we don't actually pray for victory before a football game — we pray to be good sports and such.

But that's not how it works out in practice, is it? When was the last time you heard a coach, even in prayer, say it didn't matter who won?

Imagine if you heard a prayer over the P.A. system before a professional football game. Setting aside the aggravated misbehavior of some professional players, do you actually want to see the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders leading a prayer?

(Nothing against the Cowboy Cheerleaders — "Our Girls," we used to call them in Dallas. I'm a fan there, too. I suppose even some strippers pray at work — NOT comparing the Cowboy Cheerleaders to strippers; there's a difference between scantily clad and not clad at all. But there is a question of good taste here. Call me a cultural conservative, but maybe we should call Martha Stewart or Miss Manners.)

You can't just say there is no place in which prayer is inappropriate. If you heard of the cast and crew of a pornographic movie holding prayer before they started work, wouldn't you think it was offensive? And the way things are going, it wouldn't surprise me. Some very unlikely people claim to be Christians these days, including the guy who put the elephant dung on the otherwise nice painting of the Virgin Mary.

I'm open to the argument that there's a difference between professional football, college football (which we have to admit is semi-professional) and high-school football. High-school football, which we Texans are notorious for confusing with religion, is the bone of contention in the football-prayer lawsuit. Our governor has actually argued in an amicus brief he filed that there's some relation between the two.

OK, I confess: I have called upon the Lord myself during football games, but only when UT plays A&M. Even so, I think it borders on the impious. Football, in truth, is not a real godly activity.

With all due respect to excellent organizations like the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, don't you think God would rather we were all out working for some outfit like Habitat for Humanity? Come to think of it, if all the football fans in this country spent an afternoon every weekend working for Habitat for Humanity, we could probably solve the low-income housing crisis in no time flat.

As you can see, I'm confused about all this. I dunno. Could somebody call Jimmy Carter and find out what he thinks?

Hoping to hear from you, I am signing off,

Confused as A Goat on AstroTurf.

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Crow eaten here: In a recent column, I managed to make Texas Sen. Bill Ratliff chairman of the wrong committee (make that finance, not education). Apologies to him.

Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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