Molly Ivins July 7

AUSTIN — On the matter of the FBI files A-through-G that wound up in the White House Personnel Security Office, the most apposite comment is from the late Queen Victoria: "We are not amused."

However, we are not quite as unamused as Rep. Tom Lantos of California, a man with an impeccable record on civil liberties, who suggested that Craig Livingstone, the head of the security office, kill himself over the snafu (situation normal — all fouled up). Lantos pointed out that Adm. Jeremy Boorda had committed suicide over a relatively minor screw-up and strongly implied that Livingstone should have the decency to do likewise. Livingstone, who had just resigned his job and been described in newspapers from coast to coast (as he put it) as "a beefy former bar bouncer," looked as though he might cry instead.

In fact, we are somewhat grateful to Mr. Livingstone for having provided a perfect object lesson on why civil libertarians tend to run around screaming with their hair standing straight up in the air over even the appearance of possible political use of secret files. Livingstone, not to put too fine a point on it, is a bit of a jackass — the sort of jackass who went around saying to fellow White Housers, "I know something secret about you, but I won't tell, heh, heh, heh."

As disappointed Republicans learned during two days of hearings on this unseemly mess, there was no political plot; indeed, there was only a sort-of-understandable fubar (fouled up beyond all recognition) resulting from the fact that the Bush administration, unlike the Carter administration, did not have the courtesy to leave files on permanent White House personnel. The only question left at the end of the hearings was "Who hired this jackass?" The answer is "White House associate counsel William Kennedy on the recommendation of Christine Varney, a former White House aide now at the Federal Trade Commission."

An alternative answer, "Hillary Rodham Clinton," has been offered by schlockmeister Gary Aldrich, formerly of the FBI White House detail. Aldrich, by writing a disgusting little book of smears, has in turn provided two useful political object lessons.

One is that Hillary, no fool she, was quite correct in suspecting that at least some of the permanent White House staff was loyal to the Bushes and responsible for spreading vicious rumors about the Clintons. No wonder she wanted to get rid of some of them; Aldrich should have been first on her list. What a horrid little prig he is.

The second useful lesson provided by the horrid little prig is a reinforcement of the Livingstone Lesson. A file, or even a book, containing unverified second- and thirdhand rumors is a nasty and dangerous bit of work — and if it has the imprimatur of the government on it, rather than the imprimatur of a publisher with no standards, it should be handled very carefully indeed. Thanks to all for these helpful lessons.

Meanwhile, the presidential campaign is wending its way toward what could be considered a start. Bob Dole, that jolly old soul, lent a little life to the proceedings by suggesting that drinking milk might be as harmful to children as smoking cigarettes. This splendid observation, reminiscent of the time that Ronald Reagan told us trees cause pollution, left even his supporters whomper-jawed. Instead of admitting that even Republican presidential candidates occasionally say something stupid, Dole compounded his problem by attacking that darlin' Katie Couric when she asked him about it.

This raises the question of whether Dole can get through this campaign without his mean streak surfacing periodically; mean does not play well in Peoria. Watching Dole be nice is like watching Dr. Strangelove try to control the hand in the black glove: No matter what he does, the black glove just keeps creeping back up there.

Alice Rivlin, now on the Federal Reserve Board and one of the most thoroughly sensible people in the Clinton administration, observed recently that if Clinton loses this election, it will be because of the dumb mistakes made in the first year of his administration. Yep, that was some shakedown cruise they had there — sails luffing, lines in the water, nothing shipshape or Bristol-fashion about that year. Oddly enough, it was also the year of Clinton's shrewdest move: the economic package that passed a then-Democratic House by one vote. As Rivlin has been trying to persuade me for years, the reason you want to keep the deficit down is so interest rates will drop enough to pick up the economy. It works.

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Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

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