Molly Ivins February 21

TUCSON, Ariz. — The thing I like about Arizona is that you can count on politics here having real bite — like a habanero pepper.

Any state could have a debate on whether the government should provide insurance benefits to the partners of gay employees; lots of places are debating exactly that. Only in Arizona, the bill is not whether to extend health insurance to gay partners — it's a bill to forever outlaw extending benefits to gays and to make any place in the state that has already done so take it back.

And this is because, according to a particularly peppy and well-informed sponsor, homosexuality shares a room with bestiality, cannibalism and human sacrifice.

That purple Teletubby has a lot more to answer for than we have previously suspected.

The author of these novel ideas concerning homosexuality is state Rep. Barbara Blewster, R-Dewey, who explained that throughout history, cultures that have embraced homosexuality have also embraced bestiality, human sacrifice and cannibalism. She pointed to the Aztec culture at the time of the Spanish conquest as an example. Blewster also said that history repeats itself and that the Ten Commandments are still relevant.

Blewster said she does not know of any gay people who practice bestiality, human sacrifice or cannibalism, and she is not claiming that homosexuality always leads to these things. However, she said, "That's a progression of perversion, as I know it," and is akin to marijuana leading to harder drugs.

There seems to be some anthropological confusion on the Aztec end of this. The Aztecs did practice human sacrifice — possibly, some scholars have theorized, out of a desperate protein shortage. But it seems to have been more misogynist than homosexual in origin, the victims having always been women. The culture was noted for neither homosexuality nor bestiality, although it is possible that Blewster was confused by the often-reported fact that the Aztecs were fond of wearing pink feathers.

Blewster spoke in support of her friend Rep. Karen Johnson, R-Mesa, author of the no-benefits-for-gays bill. Johnson said that homosexuals undermine "the natural family," are "morally suspect" and are at the "lower end of the behavioral spectrum." Johnson also spoke at length about "gay bowel syndrome," which is something she claims affects gays and came as news to everyone else at the hearing. According to one Arizona columnist, Johnson gets her information about gays from a virulently anti-gay Web site.

As you might imagine, Johnson's remarks upset Rep. Steve May, an openly gay member of the Legislature, who according to The Arizona Republic said: "When you attack my family and you steal my freedom, I will not sit quietly in my office.

This Legislature takes my gay tax dollars and spends my gay tax dollars the same as your straight tax dollars. If you're not going to treat me fairly, don't take my money." This being Arizona, May is also a conservative Republican.

Adding to the festivities at the hearing on this bill was Frank Meliti of the Traditional Values Coalition, who testified: "Homosexuals are known for telling lies and twisting the truth."

Johnson said, "It's critical to our national health and survival to restore social virtue and purity to our state and nation." (She probably has her life's work cut out for her there.) An angry gay countered, "Aren't you the people who were always telling us in the civil rights days that we couldn't legislate morality?"

Now, if you think all we have here is a nasty case of gay-bashing, you have underestimated your Arizona politics. As it happens, Johnson and Blewster are Mormons (Latter-day Saints, to be formal), and in the West, anti-Mormon bigotry is an old dog that still hunts.

Rep. Ken Cheuvront, who is also gay, said after the bitter hearing that it is ironic that the strongest supporters of the bill are Mormons, who were once persecuted for polygamy. This was considered by some to be a low blow. "It is unfortunate that the Mormons are trying to dictate their morals on Arizona," he said.

May, who was also reared as a Mormon, then played a further card, noting that Johnson has been married five times and has 11 children, thus presumably stirring up the anti-divorce and overpopulation bunch. May indicated that his tax dollars have paid benefits for Johnson's five husbands over the years, so why not his one partner?

Johnson in turn quoted Dr. Paul Cameron, writing in a right-wing periodical out of Colorado Springs, Colo., who says that homosexuality is very bad stuff. But the enterprising newspaper columnist Dan Dunn dug up another study by Cameron in which he held divorce to be the downfall of civilization. "Divorcees are more likely to have sexually transmitted diseases and to engage in other socially destructive behavior, such as cheating on income taxes and criminality, both sexual and non-sexual," reported Cameron. "Divorce is as bad or worse than homosexuality." (Take that, Rep. Johnson!)

Just as the slugfest was getting interesting, the grown-ups interfered. Johnson's bill was passed out of committee on a 3-2 party-line vote, leaving everyone to hope for a truly entertaining fight on the Legislature floor.

But Arizona politics has not been as much fun since they recently got over their habit of electing hopeless nincompoops to the governorship. Gov. Jane Hull flatly said that legislators need to focus on the state's business, not what goes on in bedrooms: "I may morally feel one way, but I do not believe that I need to pass laws to put my beliefs on the record."

I hate when they get reasonable here. It's not nearly as much fun.

Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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