Opinion> Molly Ivins> Molly Ivins August 22 1997 08 21

	28 Jan 2009 What Would Molly Think? JANUARY 31, 2009, IS THE TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MOLLY IVINS' DEATH. THE FOLLOWING COLUMN WAS WRITTEN BY … Read More.
	31 Jan 2007 Molly Ivins Tribute MOLLY IVINS BEGAN WRITING HER SYNDICATED COLUMN FOR CREATORS SYNDICATE IN 1992. ANTHONY ZURCHER IS A CREATORS … Read More.
	11 Jan 2007 Stand Up Against the Surge The purpose of this old-fashioned newspaper crusade to stop the war is not to make George W. Bush look like … Read More.

Molly Ivins August 21

AUSTIN — Way to go, Teamsters! Good strike, good win. It takes a lot of courage to walk out when you're trying to support a family on $9 an hour part time. I honor you. And it takes a lot of solidarity to walk when you're making $20 an hour full time. Good on y'all.

Just a couple of items of note from the recent festivities. During the strike, UPS confirmed that Jim Kelly, its CEO, had taken one of those courses in How to Communicate Effectively on Television, which is standard operating procedure for big executives these days. And the Teamsters confirmed the obvious, which is that their president, Ron Carey, has taken no such course — never had any training in public speaking or any voice coaching. Labor guys still think that stuff is too frou-frou for them. Labor guys need to get over it.

Labor leaders not only need to communicate with their members, who have never much minded a few rough edges, but they also need to communicate to the general public, which is accustomed to seeing well-spoken folks with good hair on television. I'm not saying it's more important than being right on the issues — I'm just saying: Why lose points when you don't have to?

The Teamsters' main purpose, and their best selling point, was the issue of part-time jobs, but those who are wondering why Carey kept maundering on about "corporate greed" will want to take a much closer look at that pension issue, as well. Of course, the mention of the word "pension" in conjunction with "Teamsters" is enough make to anyone with much of a memory say, "Uh-oh." But take a look at what's happening with these company-run pension plans.

Money goes in from employers, money goes in from employees, the pool is invested, and in this stock market, the increase is impressive. It's supposed to give the workers a stake in capitalism and all that good stuff. But, according to The New York Times, with many company-run pensions, the increase is not distributed to the beneficiaries.

It's used to cut the amount that employers have to put in — in some cases to nothing. Now, that's greed.

The Hoist on Your Own Petard Award goes to UPS, which claimed for two weeks that the strike was "unnecessary." When you end up settling for what the union asked for in the first place, that's an unnecessary strike.

The role played by the federal mediation team in the settlement reminds us what a valuable craft and calling that is. Any pair of contending parties, from Israel and Palestine to a divorcing couple, can use the services of a good mediator. Throwing contentious pairs together without mediators present is a recipe for disaster. Wonder why we don't find more ways to use them in both international and domestic settings, like those TV chat shows where the commentators all talk at the same time?

Thought you might enjoy a story about a strike at The New York Times I once enjoyed. I went through a three-month strike at the Times (I believe it was '78 or '79) that was no fun at all. You can get awfully close to No Hope in three months, and since I was alone in a bureau at the time, there was no experience of solidarity for me. My dog and I used to walk the picket line together. But in the spring of '81, when I was back in New York, there was a glorious one-day strike on a perfectly beautiful day; it was just like skipping school. And I got to see what the Times, one of the most Establishment institutions in the nation, looks like on strike.

If you can imagine a job action at the CIA, this was close. The picket line consisted of a bunch of guys in tweed jackets with leather elbow patches, also wearing Bass Weejuns and Sulka ties, toting signs claiming that the Times was "Unfair to Workers." The class confusion was priceless. Locust Valley Lockjaw meets the Wobblies. The Harvard-Yale game hits the bricks. Muffie and Skip bring the company to its knees. Workers of the world, unite — you have nothing to lose but your Bloomie's charge cards.

Many of my colleagues were afflicted with those constipated, upper-class WASP accents. When someone occasionally crossed the picket line, the strikers would take the pipes out of their mouths long enough to tootle out, "Scah-hab."

***

Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.