Molly Ivins August 12

AUSTIN, Texas — There's a story that has been in the Texas press but is only now starting to get national attention because, of course, it involves Gov. Shrub.

Michael Isikoff, the Newsweek reporter of Monicagate fame, has an article on it in the magazine's current issue. There is a detailed report by Texan Robert Bryce in the online magazine Salon, as well as more information from the civil lawsuit at the root of it.

Bryce calls this "an apparent influence-buying scandal."

I don't mean to be cynical, but it's also a perfect example of How Things Work in a political system so corrupted by special-interest money that it's hard to tell the difference between rank corruption and business as usual.

Eliza May, former chief regulator of the funeral industry in Texas, was fired from her job in February and is now suing the state of Texas, the largest funeral chain in the world and its chief, Robert Waltrip of Houston.

Waltrip, whom I have never met, is by description what we in Texas admiringly call a hardass. And he was apparently most upset when May started an investigation last year after complaints about improper embalming procedures at two funeral establishments owned by his company, Service Corporation Inc.

May headed a tiny state agency that has since been stripped of much of what little power it had. SCI had earnings of $2.8 billion last year.

The upshot of the investigation was a $450,000 fine levied on SCI by the state funeral commission, which SCI refused to pay. After a meeting between Texas Attorney General John Cornyn and SCI's lawyers, the AG's office issued a decision that apparently allows the company to walk the fine.

According to Charles McNeil, chairman of the funeral commission, Waltrip called him during the investigation and told him to "back off" or "I'm taking this to the governor."

Waltrip is close to both George Bush the Elder and Dubya. He's on the board of Big George's library and donated $100,000 to help build it, and Big Bush has used his corporate plane. Waltrip gave W. Bush $10,000 for his first gubernatorial race in '94, and SCI's PAC gave him $35,000 in '98. Thirty-five K gets you a lot of good government.

So in the middle of the investigation, Waltrip and Johnnie B. Rogers, a noted Austin lobbyist who is now an SCI lawyer, go by Bush's office to drop off a letter demanding a halt of the investigation.

The regulators had subpoenaed some SCI records and done surprise inspections at some SCI funeral parlors.

Waltrip denounced this as "stormtrooper tactics."

He must have figured that the funeral regulators should follow the nice example set by Bush's appointees at the state environmental agency, where they announce their surprise inspections in advance.

Isikoff reports that while Waltrip and Johnnie B. were meeting with Joe Allbaugh, Bush's chief of staff, the governor popped in and said to Waltrip, "Hey Bobby, are those people still messing with you?" And to Rogers, "Hey Johnnie B., you taking care of him?"

Bush has been subpoenaed in May's civil suit. In an effort to avoid having to testify, he has sworn to an affidavit saying he had no discussions about the investigation.

Somebody's lyin.'

Waltrip's lawyers filed papers June 11 saying that Waltrip had talked to Bush in Bush's office about SCI's problems with the state regulators. Five days later, they filed a "supplemental" response, saying the discussion was "not substantive."

May says she then got calls from three top Bush aides asking her to wrap up the SCI investigation, and much other pressure came down on the agency. At one point, Allbaugh met with her — with Waltrip present — to demand that she list all the documents needed to finish the investigation.

May is a Democrat who was even a party treasurer at one point, so the Bushies are claiming that her suit is political. But she sure wasn't the only one who got leaned on at that agency. One of the funnier items in the interrogatories in the suit is the allegation that May was "hostile and discourteous" when Waltrip phoned her last April. Those who know Waltrip were particularly amused.

An SCI spokesman said Waltrip was just "exercising his constitutional right" to take his protests "up the ladder." Nothing I like better than someone who exercises his constitutional rights. Let's make this man an honorary member of the ACLU. It's just that under our charming system of legalized bribery, a $35,000 contribution seems to buy some citizens more constitutional rights than others. That well-known right to "go up the ladder" doesn't come cheap.

Meanwhile, Newsweek reports a more recent complaint about SCI from the mother of a popular late Wichita Falls TV newsman. She went to lay flowers at her son's mausoleum and found it infested with gnats, and "a malodorous, maroon-colored fluid oozed out of her son's crypt." SCI has denied responsibility.

The lady should probably make a contribution so she can go "up the ladder." Because that little state agency is not real likely to help some average citizen with a complaint anymore.

Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. To find out more about Molly Ivins and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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