Is It Timge For Us Not To Have This Conversation?

"I did not mean to deceive you. I never intended to push or shove. I just wish that you was someone that I love." — Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers, in a recent interpretation by House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-Texas)

 

AUSTIN, Texas — The Gingrich situation was already gruesome enough. If you heard his speech after his re-election to the House speakership, you will recall that he counseled us all to seek divine guidance more frequently and announced that he had done so himself. Twenty-one minutes later, he cut off the ethics committee's investigation into his use of charitable contributions for political purposes.

So tacky. Don't you think there should be a rule, like swimming after eating, that you have to wait at least an hour after publicly calling the Lord God Almighty to your defense before you do something else unethical?

Then there was that ghastly little sermonette on race in America and how ignorance of citizenship is a key component of our race problems. This from the man who took contributions from the Abraham Lincoln Opportunity Foundation, established to help inner-city children, and used them to televise his town meetings on cable TV. Nice touch, Newt.

Another item on the speaker's proposed agenda caught my ear: his plan to have Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry Hyde "investigate judicial activism." Now, think of the fun that could be. "Are you now or have you ever been a judicial activist?"

And now we have this festive tape recording, courtesy of some citizen in Florida and Friday's New York Times, on which Gingrich and his henchmen merrily ignore the speaker's agreement not to plan a counteroffensive against the ethics committee report. This is where Dick Armey sings.

I've read more delicate tape transcripts where John Gotti plans a murder. I like the part where lawyer Ed Bethune describes their conversation, which Gingrich is about to formally agree with the ethics committee not to have, as occurring "a little prematurely."

I have visions of the Republican counteroffensive on the planning of the counteroffensive.

First, we will be indignantly asked if we think that such a counteroffensive has never been planned in the White House. Do we think that President Clinton never reminded George Stephanopoulos about news cycles? "At that point, we're in by the evening news, catch the morning papers." I don't doubt it for a minute, but I don't think it has much to do with the price of beans, either.

I'm always interested in why smart people do dumb things, and on this tape we find clear evidence of an oldie-but-goodie in the way of reasons: The other guys do it, too. Rep. Bill Paxon observes: "So, when the committee issues that report, before, we have an immediate response. Because they will certainly have a war room set up on the other side, and if we have several hours or a day go by when our members are out there without response, it will be a disaster, that's right."

The oldest, weakest excuse in the book: "But Mom, everybody does it." You know, when you were 5, your mother didn't let you get away with that one. Don't you recall that steely Mother-Speaking voice? "I don't care what everybody else does — you will not because it is wrong."

Another classic mistake in this conversation is the assumption that the other guys are organized. As any fool knows, Democrats couldn't organize a junior-high food fight. The recent escalation in political nastiness is like the arms race during the Cold War: Each side kept racing to keep up with what it thought its opponents were doing.

It's surprising how often the "other side," whoever they are, turns out to be like the Wizard of Oz — just a lot of smoke and an amplifier and a little tiny man sitting back there. Such vaunted powers as the National Rifle Association, the trial lawyers and even the Soviets turned out to be such wizards. Meanwhile, we all keep arming ourselves out of fear.

In the meantime, I shall close on my perennial note of optimism. Yet one more tawdry tale out of Washington will only increase the disgust and cynicism that Americans feel for their politicians. But it does add one more straw to the camel's back that could finally lead to a complete reform of the way that money and politics intersect in our nation. The root of all this rot is money. It is time to fix the system — now.

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Molly Ivins is a columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

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