Molly Ivins from Creators Syndicate

Ring the Bell For a Texas Democrat for 10/03/2006

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — Chris Bell for governor! I know, I know, it's stop the presses, Ivins favors Democrat! But the Kinky Friedman candidacy is worn thin and no fun. Besides, we actually have a good chance to get Rick Perry out of office. After six years in office, the Coiffure is so little loved he's pulling only 35 percent of likely voters. He gets another four years, I don't think we'll hav ...

Updated: Tue Oct 03, 2006

Where There's War, There's Kissinger for 10/06/2006

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — The Old War Criminal is back. I try not to hold grudges, but I must admit I have never lost one ounce of rancor toward Henry Kissinger, that cynical, slithery, self-absorbed pathological liar. He has all the loyalty and principle of Charles Talleyrand, whom Napoleon described as "a piece of dung in a silk stocking."

Come to think of it, Talleyrand looks pr ...

Updated: Fri Oct 06, 2006

The Not-So-Great Texas Gubernatorial Debate for 10/10/2006

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — I sacrificed an hour Friday evening to watch the Texas gubernatorial debate on your behalf, since I knew none of you would do it. Democrat Chris Bell looked and sounded like the only candidate who won't embarrass the state — he was intelligent, well informed and even funny. But the question remains: Can Texas afford to lose that hair?

The Coiffure was in his u ...

Updated: Tue Oct 10, 2006

Dear Leaders for 10/12/2006

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — Nobody else seems to be asking the obvious question about Susan B. Ralston, former administrative assistant to Jack Abramoff and, until last week, assistant to Karl Rove. She got hired by Rove at $64,700 after the 2004 election and then received a raise to $122,000. Why? I've never gotten a 100 percent raise. Did you? Is this common?

I know next to nothing about Nor ...

Updated: Thu Oct 12, 2006

Iraq War Despair is Not an Option for 10/17/2006

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — One reason despair is not an option is because things can always get worse, and then what'll we do? I was actually trying to figure that out when I came across a remarkable article written for the The Nation magazine (known for its liberalism for 141 years) by Richard J. Whalen — a conservative in good standing, a former Nixon staffer. Whalen has undertaken the singu ...

Updated: Tue Oct 17, 2006

Election Day Still a Long Way Off for 10/19/2006

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

Stunning coincidence. The verdict in the long-running trial of Saddam Hussein in Iraq is now due two days before our congressional elections in November. Astounding. How ineffable.

Sometimes you know the Republicans have just lost the rag completely. This week, Dick Cheney said to Rush Limbaugh regarding the Iraqi government, "If you look at the general, overall situation, they're d ...

Updated: Thu Oct 19, 2006

The Good Economy Myth for 10/24/2006

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, goody. According to the White House press office, President Bush will spend much of the next two weeks discussing what a swell economy we have. Did you know that the Dow Jones Industrial Average is at its highest point EVER? And the NASDAQ, ditto. Wow, breathtaking, huh? But the Dow is not a good indicator of how things are really going for the majority of Americans.
Updated: Tue Oct 24, 2006

A Campaign of Sleaze for 10/26/2006

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0700

AUSTIN, Texas — It's a race to the bottom. For misinformation and cruelty, not to mention plain old dreadful manners, it is so hard to beat Rush Limbaugh. We can only measure the Great Blowhard against himself.

Even by Limbaugh standards, his recent attack on Michael J. Fox, the actor, is several levels lower than tacky. Fox, who has Parkinson's disease, has done some political ads ...

Updated: Thu Oct 26, 2006

GOP Ineptitude and Some Advice For Dems for 10/31/2006

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0800

"There's no doubt in my mind, with your help, Dave Lamberti will be the next United States congressman." — President George Bush last week, endorsing Jeff Lamberti

AUSTIN, Texas — Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif., has announced his candidacy for the president of the United States. Until now, he's barely been noticed as a guy who took money from Brent Wilkes a ...

Updated: Tue Oct 31, 2006

Keeping Our Eyes On the Ball for 11/02/2006

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

AUSTIN, Texas -- I'm still worried sick. The R's have seized the news cycle! Which says more about how dim American politics are than anything I can think of.

Apparently, the Michael J. Fox affair didn't have enough meat to it, and even Rep. Mark Foley is out of the game, so now we have the semi-hemi-demi-gaffe from John Kerry, who is not in fact running for anything.

If Kerry had been ...

Updated: Thu Nov 02, 2006

Campaign '06 -- Goodbye And Good Riddance for 11/07/2006

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

AUSTIN, Texas -- Right to the end, this insane conversation between reality and Not Realty. The president of the United States STILL says we are reducing terrorism by fighting in Iraq; STILL says we are creating democracy; STILL says we're preventing the spread of nuclear weapons and making Israel more secure; and, shoddiest of all, STILL not allowing that our fallen have died in vain.

The vic ...

Updated: Tue Nov 07, 2006

Campaign '06 -- Goodbye and Good Riddance for 11/07/2006

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

Post-Election Etiquette for 11/09/2006

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

AUSTIN, Texas -- The sheer pleasure of getting lessons in etiquette from Karl Rove and the right-wing media passeth all understanding. Ever since 1994, the Republican Party has gone after Democrats with the frenzy of a foaming mad dog. There was the impeachment of Bill Clinton, not to mention the trashing of both Clinton and his wife -- accused of everything from selling drugs to murder -- all orc ...

Updated: Thu Nov 09, 2006

Post-Election Etiquette for 11/09/2006

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

Now They're all for Bipartisanship for 11/14/2006

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

AUSTIN, Texas -- Having watched election coverage nonstop all week, I sometimes wake screaming, "Bipartisanship!" and scare myself.

Of all the viral members of the media who have been suggesting that the Dems cooperate with their political opponents, the one who rendered me almost unconscious with surprise was Newt Gingrich.

Newt Gingrich, the Boy Scout. Newt ...

Updated: Tue Nov 14, 2006

Farewell, Rummy for 11/16/2006

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

AUSTIN, Texas -- There's been so much in print about how Daddy 41's people are back in the saddle, I was terrified when I saw a photo of Dan Quayle among the pack. If they've called back Dan Quayle to lend intellectual heft, we're all dead ducks. Fortunately, it was just a file picture of Quayle with the old team.

It does seem that we may be going back to the typical modus operandi o ...

Updated: Thu Nov 16, 2006

Thanks -- No, Seriously for 11/23/2006

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800

AUSTIN, Texas -- It's time to give thanks, and I want to start off with a great, big thank you for the top American movement conservatives and all the fun we've had since Election Day. I know I promised not to gloat after this election was over, but I'm not talking unseemly gloating -- I'm talking about moments so brilliantly hilarious the only option is to put your head down on the desk and howl. ...

Updated: Thu Nov 23, 2006

Iraq Exit is Up to Us for 01/08/2007

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0800

The president of the United States does not have the sense God gave a duck -- so it's up to us. You and me, Bubba.

I don't know why Bush is just standing there like a frozen rabbit, but it's time we found out. The fact is WE have to do something about it. This country is being torn apart by an evil and unnecessary war, and it has to be stopped NOW.

This war is being prose ...

Updated: Mon Jan 08, 2007

Stand Up Against the Surge for 01/11/2007

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0800

The purpose of this old-fashioned newspaper crusade to stop the war is not to make George W. Bush look like the dumbest president ever. People have done dumber things. What were they thinking when they bought into the Bay of Pigs fiasco? How dumb was the Egypt-Suez war? How massively stupid was the entire war in Vietnam? Even at that, the challenge with this misbegotten adventure is that WE sim ...

Updated: Thu Jan 11, 2007

Molly Ivins Tribute for 01/31/2007

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0800

MOLLY IVINS BEGAN WRITING HER SYNDICATED COLUMN FOR CREATORS SYNDICATE IN 1992. ANTHONY ZURCHER IS A CREATORS SYNDICATE EDITOR BASED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, AND HE HAS BEEN MOLLY'S EDITOR AND FRIEND FOR MANY YEARS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. -- CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

MOLLY IVINS TRIBUTE
BY ANTHONY ZURCHER

Goodbye, Molly I.

Molly Ivins is gone, and her words wil ...

Updated: Wed Jan 31, 2007