Nobody Asked Me, But ...

Let me begin with a note of thanks to the great New York sportswriter Jimmy Cannon, who gave us his column on random insights and one-liners called: "Nobody Asked Me, But ...."

In Washington, D.C., in the summer of 2007, it's not the heat, it's the hypocrisy. Take the case of U.S. Sen. David Vitter, R-La., self-proclaimed champion of family values and all-out foe of same-sex marriage, who confessed to "a very serious sin in my past" — which turned out to be his having been a regular customer of an anti-loneliness entrepreneur in the nation's capital known as the D.C. Madam.

To his credit, Vitter did not try to pass his infidelity off as a "mistake" or an "error in judgment." No, he called what he had done a "sin." Guess he didn't get the memo that in our non-judgmental era, among the very few consensus sins are smoking, trans-fats, driving without a seatbelt and riding a bicycle without a helmet.

Who knows, maybe George W. Bush will consider granting a presidential pardon to his fellow Republican, Vitter?

Could somebody please explain why in beach towns there are so many shops selling fudge?

U.S. Sen. John McCain, who began the year as the front-runner for the 2008 Republican nomination and whose campaign has hit a major rough patch, used to remind audiences in 2000 that, because his fellow home-staters Sen. Barry Goldwater, Rep. Mo Udall and Gov. Bruce Babbitt had all run unsuccessfully for the White House, "Arizona is the only state where a mother doesn't tell her child that she can grow up to be president."

If Democrats are serious about wanting to win the White House in 2008, then they should run — not walk — to the nearest bookstore in order to read and remember Melinda Henneberger's "If They Only Listened to Us: What Women Voters Want Politicians to Hear."

If McCain does lose the 2008 race, then history will record that George W.

Bush prevented three men from winning the White House: Al Gore in 2000, John Kerry in 2004, and McCain in 2000 and 2008.

In 2000, Bush's brass-knuckles assault on McCain in the South Carolina primary effectively ended the Arizonan's chances. And in 2008, McCain paid dearly for his unswerving support for Bush's Iraq war and his immigration reform plan.

Of course, McCain did enthusiastically (remember his platform hug of GWB?) embrace his 2004 role as "de facto" running-mate with President Bush, thus estranging himself from independent voters who had been his strongest backers in 2000 and who have since turned overwhelmingly against Bush and his war.

The NCAA ordered the Oklahoma Sooners to forfeit eight victories from the 2005 football season for "failure to monitor" alleged jobs of the schools' players. This reminds us that it was former Oklahoma President George Cross who, while lobbying the state legislature for increased funding, stated, "I want to build a university the football team can be proud of."

Searching for a legislative legacy, the Bush administration can brag that under its Medicare Prescription Drug law, our grandchildren will now pay for Viagra for seniors who're enduring the heartbreak of erectile dysfunction. As Mark Russell notes, "Look for 'The Joy of Sex' to soon be available in big print."

Embarrassed at my age to admit it, but it wouldn't take that much encouragement from the beguiling actress Laura Linney for yours truly to leave home.

Do you know anyone who actually took sides in the Donald Trump-Rosie O'Donnell dust-up? My friend Madden compared it to the World War II Battle of Stalingrad between Hitler's army and Stalin's troops, where the preferred outcome was for both sides to lose.

The wisdom of Gen. George C. Marshall remains timeless: The only thing worse than fighting a war with allies — is fighting a war without them.

To find out more about Mark Shields and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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COPYRIGHT 2007 MARK SHIELDS